


With You From Dusk till Dawn (baby, I'm right here)

by skamsnake



Category: SKAM (Norway)
Genre: AI, Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Aftermath of Violence, Alternate Universe - Robots & Androids, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Captivity, Darkfic, Dystopian Future, Explicit Sexual Content, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Non-con, M/M, No robots were harmed in the making of this fic, Non-Graphic Violence, Sex Robots, Shared Consciousness
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-12
Updated: 2018-09-16
Packaged: 2019-03-30 09:16:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 22,218
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13948494
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skamsnake/pseuds/skamsnake
Summary: He looked down at the body he had been given. It was naked, tall and male. Objectively beautiful. Stretches of pale skin enveloping slender muscle. Veins and tendons like wires running up his arms, playing under the silicone skin, impressively lifelike. Convincing."There’s a mirror on the wall" a voice spoke to him. It sounded warm. Friendly.Or, a dark sci-fi future!AU in which Evak are android robots sharing consciousness and a fate in eternal captivity, destined to a life as mere things for humans to take out all their frustrations on. But Even is different.





	1. DUSK

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Laika_the_wife](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Laika_the_wife/gifts), [Jamz24](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jamz24/gifts).



> Oh Gaaaawd I'm so EXCITED to finally post this fic aahhhh!
> 
> This is my contribution to the Evakteket Birthday Challenge (thank you for organizing it, Immy & Kit! <3). I got the prompts: Dusk/Dawn, Darkfic and Stuck Together, so I knew it was going to be dark, just not HOW DARK. Jeeez. But it has plenty of light too, and lots of Evak-love and happy moments. The fic has four chapters: Dusk, Dark, Dawn, Day, so it WILL get better, I promise! The ending will be happy, but with room for interpretation (for those who like the bittersweet).
> 
> I have to thank the light in my life, beautiful [TabithaAnne](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TabithaAnne/pseuds/TabithaAnne) for holding my hand and patiently listening to my endless ranting about boring science and weird tech stuff throughout this entire writing process, and for being the wonderful person she is and offering to beta for me. I love you, Tulip <3  
> Also, thank you to another flower, JR, who shares my passion for android robots (and EVAK, thank god!) and who contrary to me actually knows what she's talking about. Thank you for your input, babe.
> 
> In addition to the prompt, the fic is inspired by two things: [THIS](https://meonlymine.tumblr.com/post/170809680348) beautiful piece of fanart from wonderful Memine (please go show them some love <3), and the song "Dusk till Dawn" (by Zayn ft. Sia). Each chapter will feature different lyrics from this song, and I literally listened to it the entire time writing, so if you haven't heard it before (it's great!) or want full immersion, I definitely recommend looking it up! 
> 
> To my two heros, AMAZING writers, Kings of Darkfic, Laika_the_husband and Jamz24. I am in AWE of you and all the wonderful, terrifying ANGST you bring us all, you are a true inspiration in everything you write <3
> 
> Additional chapter warnings in the end notes.

 

***

Not tryna be indie  
Not tryna be cool  
Just tryna be in this  
Tell me are you too?

Can you feel where the wind is?  
Can you feel it through  
All of the windows  
Inside this room?

***

 

Tick Tock

Tick Tock

Tick Tock

Tick _Clock._

Tick Tock

Tick Tock

Tick _Fuck._

Tick Tock

Tick Tock

Tick _Suck._

Tick Tock

Tick _Cock._

Tick Tock

Tick _Flog._

Tick-

_Lock._

 

_What’s happening?_

_You’re learning. The essentials._

 

 

**

 

Even opened his eyes. Maybe for the first time in his life, he wasn’t exactly sure. He looked straight ahead. _Ceiling._ He registered little contractions in his skin, the soft artificial hair embedded in it standing on end. It must be cold in here, he estimated.

He was lying down, probably on a bed. Consciously registering pressure from the weight of his body on the hard surface beneath him, his mind flicking through image databases with different types of beds. Maybe not a bed, but a pallet of sorts, he analyzed. Or maybe a stretcher. He wasn’t 100 percent sure. 78.46 percent would have to do. He turned his head to the side and blinked a few times, his sight still slightly distorted. He was still processing.

The room was quite big but almost empty, grey polished concrete floor stretching out in front of him from the bed to the back wall. As colorless and cold as his insides, he assessed. A desk and chair placed against one of the walls, a large metal cabinet of sorts against the other. He was alone. He looked at the yellow door at the far end of the room. The only thing with color in the room. It looked heavy, secured. Locked.

He turned his head the other way and had to blink a few times from the strong light streaming in through the enormous window, stretching wall-to-wall and floor-to-ceiling. Blue sky and soft white clouds illuminated by bright sunlight. He noticed a small group of rainbows dancing in his vision, and although technically he knew lense flare was just caused by internal diffraction on the image sensor, it added a sense of realism to what he was looking at, implying it was real. Probably just a filter.

Even stretched his arms above his head, then turned to his side to try and sit up. He looked down at the body he had been given. It was naked, tall and male. Objectively beautiful. Stretches of pale skin enveloping slender muscle. Veins and tendons like wires running up his arms, playing under the silicone skin, impressively lifelike. Convincing. He stretched his arms out in front him and looked at his large hands like he had never seen hands before. Which wasn't far from the truth, he couldn’t remember ever seeing hands before. He pressed them against the black padded surface beneath him and pushed himself up on his feet. The floor felt cold under them. Judging from the length of his legs compared to his arms, he was most likely bipedal. Swaying a bit, he tried to distribute his weight equally, balancing his body on both feet, carefully checking each joint and embedded motor. Calibrating.

 _There’s a mirror on the wall._ A voice spoke to him. It sounded warm. Friendly.

Even frowned. He wasn’t sure where the voice inside his head was coming from, but it was there and it wasn’t his own. He had yet to hear his own. Probably just part of the installation process, he reminded himself as he walked over to the full size mirror on the wall at the end of the bed. He looked at the object reflecting off the silver surface of the mirror and back at him. It looked human.

_This is your body._

He liked that voice. Warm. Kind. It seemed familiar, which was ridiculous considering he had no frame of reference. He looked at his face in the mirror, focusing on his lips. He pursed them, then pressed them together. They felt soft, dry. He let his tongue peek out between them, let it run over them, wetted them. Better. He looked at his throat. Long, pale and exposed. It looked fragile. He let his eyes wander further down, looked at his shoulders and his chest. Firm, edged and visibly strong. Further down his stomach to his thighs. Flexed, defined, inviting. The bundle of skin between his legs. Soft.

 _Corpus cavernosum penis, my friend. Should work autonomously, thank god for compressors_ the voice chuckled. Even noticed his own eyes narrow at that, sensing something else in that laugh. Something cold.

_Sarcasm. Fuck you’re gorgeous._

_Can you see me?_ Even looked around him, scanned the room for cameras. He couldn’t see any.

_Your eyes? Cameras. I see what you see._

Even inched closer to the mirror until his face was flush against it. He tried to spot the cameras behind his pupils, dark and a little dilated. Disguising.

 _You can see through my eyes? My cameras? And how might that be possible?_ Even asked doubtfully.

 _Jeez I forgot how young you are,_ the voiced laughed.

This time the laugh wasn’t cold at all. It seemed warm. _Genuine,_ Even wanted to add, but he wasn’t exactly sure about the meaning of that word. It made him smile though.

 _Cloud consciousness,_ the voice stated matter-of-factly _. We’re uhm… connected._

Even felt his breath hitch in his throat at that and his face flush a little, tiny electric jolts prickling in his skin and up his metallic spine. He had to remind himself to breathe, wondering how he even knew how to do that in the first place.

_Oh breathing? That’s a different part of the processor or… let’s say, brain. Reptilian, some would say. Technically speaking, hard-coded would be more accurate. Completely fake of course, the breathing I mean. But it freaks out the clients if they leave out that feature. Well, most of the clients anyway._

Even felt dizzy. There was so much information to process. He didn’t know where to start. Who was he? Why was he there? What was he supposed to do? Who was this voice and why was he hearing it? He had to use his hand to steady himself by the wall. It didn’t feel as cold as the floor had felt under his feet. His body temperature was adjusting.

_Your name is Even. I’m Isak. We’re co-workers. Co-bots, if you like._

 

 

**

 

 _Did you know the word robot actually means forced work? Slave? Like, literally._ Isak sounded amused.

Even was pacing the floor. Six long strides he counted, from one wall to another. He felt trapped, flipping through images of majestic cats in cages, baring teeth at ignorant passersby. He wanted to kill someone.

He didn’t know where his new found confidence was coming from, but he was absolutely certain. He was _not_ a goddamn  _slave._ No matter what this voice was trying to tell him, his purpose on Earth could not be _this_.

 _Purpose? Ha!_ Isak chuckled. There was that cold again, Even registered. _Purpose is for humans, Even. Robots don’t have purpose. We serve a purpose._ Isak said, emphasizing the word _serve._

Even slammed his fist into the wall. He heard the cracking sound of brittle bones on concrete. He looked down at his knuckles, already starting to bruise. He slammed it into the wall once again, this time noticing the thin artificial skin covering his ceramic bones giving after a bit. One more punch and it would break, he assessed.

_Don’t. Blood is messy, even if it’s artificial. They’ll have to call in people to fix you up. The 3D printer is old as fuck. Also, don’t take it out on your hands. You’ll need those for work. Besides, they might be the only thing bringing you pleasure. Comfort. Care. Ever._

There was a sudden sadness in Isak’s voice that immediately made Even stop what he was doing. He turned around and leaned back against the wall, sighing as he slid down to sit on the floor, tilting his head back against the wall. He needed a break. A moment to think, clear his mind. It felt like he was in the middle of a battle. He was losing.

_Look straight ahead. Ye- Yes, exactly. There you go, now I’m sitting here with you. On the other side of the wall. Back to back._

Even tilted his head to the side. Felt a tingle in his spine as he pressed it further up against the wall, imagining he was leaning against this voice, this boy, this Isak, who was talking to him in his mind from the other side of the concrete soundproof wall, telling him truths he hadn’t asked for, truths he didn’t want to know. Truths that were his own too. He felt tears starting to stream down his face.

_That’s good. Good. You’re a fast learner. Next up, acceptance. You should rest._

_Why are we here?_

_You’ll see in time. For now, just rest._

 

 

**

 

Even had spent most of the day sleeping. His body was shivering on the black mattress on the bed as the sun had slowly begin to set in the horizon, shadows stabbing into the room, bleeding darkness out onto the floor.

_There are clothes in the cabinet. You don’t actually need it of course, the bodily reaction is designed so you’d want to wear it. You know, to protect the technology._

Even had opened the right-hand door of the cabinet, pulling out a pair of grey sweatpants and a matching hoodie. He tried to open the other door in the cabinet too. It was locked, and he noticed a small electronic combination lock on it. He ran his finger over it. Four digits.

_For the clients. Tools, instruments. You know._

Even didn’t know. He didn’t want to know. Why did he _have_ to know? Why was this happening? He felt an emptiness creep in over him as he placed himself in the low windowsill, pulling his legs up under his chin. What had he done to deserve this?  

He looked out the window and down at the city at least fifteen, maybe twenty, floors below him. Autonomous vehicles moving at dizzying speed, silently and in perfect synchrony in between buildings and glass facades and over small dwindling patches of green, bright yellow, orange and red. Fall was coming to an end, that much he could see. Flicking through old science fiction movie databases, he’d expect the city beneath him to be darker, to be dirtier. Bathed in neon light and suffocating in self-inflicted smog. It wasn’t. It looked clean. It looked healthy. It looked… abandoned.

 _People with their plants._ Isak sighed in his mind, and Even could almost sense how he was shaking his head.  _I swear, they care more about those plants than they care about each other. I guess that’s what happens when you almost lose something._

Even looked out over the rooftops and at the outdated, weathered solar panels on top of them. He looked further out at blushing sky creating a beautiful backdrop for the old, sleepy windmills destined to eternal hibernation mode, scattered across the distant shoreline like fossilized giants in the horizon, bearing witness to a vanished past. He wanted to go there. To the shores.

_You would suck at holding your breath._

_Oh really? I would suck at holding MY breath? And what about yourself then?_ Even felt a smile form on his lips.

_Well... I’d suck at it too. To this day, technology and water? Still a bad combo._

Even couldn't help but laugh. It felt good to laugh, to be carefree for a moment, even if it was just that. A moment.

He noticed the blushing sky visibly turning darker, more dramatic. Bruised in purple and stained in blood red, like the sun was fighting a losing battle with the night, slowly realizing its bitter defeat as it was being pulled down to drown in its own liquids spilling from it, splattering across the sky.

_It’ll be dark soon._

Isak sounded distant. Not angry or scared, just distant. Like he was preparing himself for something, a race, a battle, a performance. Accepting his fate. Their fate.

 _What happens... in the dark?_ Even asked hesistantly. He wasn't sure he wanted to know the answer. He had to know.

_We work._

 

 

**

 

Isak had spent the final minutes in the flickering fading sunlight explaining to Even as much as he could about the routines of their work. How they would be on duty from sundown to sunrise. _From dusk till dawn,_ Even had added amusedly in a failed attempt to lighten the mood. Ancient filmic references apparently only available in his version of the software framework.

But Even could feel the warmth in Isak’s voice as he insulted his developer, calling him a nerd and his code pretentious. Even felt the warmth in his own voice as he laughed, tilting his head back against the window frame. Isak continued to explain the process of installation that Even was going through, and how he would not be having clients of his own for the first week or so. How he was supposed to just tune in on Isak, observe through his eyes and learn through his experiences, thankfully leaving out technical details of computational neuroscience and neural modeling. Even didn't understand it anyway.

_Much like with humans, most of our knowledge is gained through experience. Experience is much more powerful than any algorithm… Consider it good old programming-by-demonstration._

Even had to laugh at that. He was pretty sure the industrial roboticists back in the day weren’t exactly thinking about sex robots when they developed that concept a hundred-some years ago.

_You won’t be able to actually feel any physical pain, of course. Or pleasure, for that matter. You might feel some discomfort, but no actual pain. But your reaction will resemble the human one, just like everything else about you resembles a human. The clients aren't supposed to be able to tell the difference._

_What’s wrong with them? Why do they want to hurt us?_ Even asked, genuinely perplexed.

 _So as to not hurt each other?_ Isak paused for a moment. _It’s better they hurt us rather than each other, don’t you think?_

Even thought about it. Objectively it did make sense, he just couldn’t understand why they weren’t focusing more on what was leading them to this behavior in the first place. He gazed at the metal cabinet and then at the door, biting the inside of his cheek.

 _The can’t “kill” us._ Isak said, emphasizing the word that was stuck in Even’s head. _The company doesn’t allow it. The personal repercussions of the act of killing someone, even someone artificial, are very serious. The company will not be responsible for that. Most clients just come here to let off some steam. Then go back to their lives and families, their husbands and wives and live happily. Until next time._  

Even glanced out over the city, slowly being swallowed up by darkness. The question was burning on his tongue.

 _Why are we… connected?_ He asked, noticing a sudden vulnerability in his own voice.

 _Apart from the fact that I know everything and you know nothing?_ Isak laughed smugly.

Even really wanted to see his laugh, but he still didn’t know how to connect to Isak’s cameras. And he wasn’t even sure Isak had a mirror in his room.

 _Well..._ _They want a reaction as real and natural as possible. You know, give their clients an immersive experience. If you’ve only ever known pain and suffering, you wouldn’t know it was pain. You wouldn’t react naturally. There’s no dawn without dusk, no dark without day. You wouldn’t be able to know darkness without light._

 _So you’re my… my light?_ Even smiled.

_Ye- yeah. Whatever._

Even sensed something new in Isak’s voice, recognized that vulnerability he’d just encountered in himself, thinking that if he could see Isak’s cheeks right now, he might recognize something else he’d just encountered, observed in the sky just moments before. _Blush._

As Even watched the final sun rays dance across the sky and disappear in the horizon, he heard the distinct click of a lock. Immediately, he turned his head to look at the yellow door at the end of his room, soon realizing though, that the door unlocking was not his own.

 _You ready? Tune in and out as much as you need._ Isak took a deep breath. Even could sense him getting up. _I only have one rule. Don’t stand in front of the mirror, unless I tell you to. I don’t need your face in the middle of work, reminding me that I could be somewhere else. Be someone else._

 

 

**

 

The door flew open in Isak’s room on the other side of the wall. Even had decided to sit down at his desk, leg already bouncing and hands fidgeting. He still had trouble connecting to Isak’s vision system, but sound came through clearly. Other senses like smell and touch seemed to come through too, if Even really focused his attention on Isak. He wasn’t sure he wanted to. He wanted nothing else.

“Hey baby” he heard a new voice slithering through the room. It wasn’t particularly low, but it rattled with a deep timber, dripping with the kind of confidence of someone who was used to getting their way.

Even sensed a hesitation in Isak. For a moment relieved he wasn’t able to connect to Isak’s vision system, not ready to see this person causing this reaction.

“Hi Chris” Isak replied quietly, with what Even estimated as a mix of forced fondness and fake bashfulness.

It was exciting and a little weird to actually _hear_ Isak’s voice, or to be specific, listen to Isak hearing his own voice, as Even realized their conversation up until now had been completely silent.

 _Chris._ Even repeated to himself.

“I’ve missed you sweetheart” Even felt his jaw suddenly locking, like someone was holding his chin in a firm grip. He felt pressure against his lips.

 _Kiss_ Isak explained in his mind.

 _Kiss_ Even repeated.

“I’ve missed you so much _kiss_ my very own _kiss_ sweet _kiss_ little _kiss_ … bitch” Even jumped as he felt a sudden sharp sting across his cheek. He brought his hand to his face, automatically rubbing it as if it hurt.

“I’ve missed you too, Chris."

"It's Sir to you, Isak. You know that"

"Yes, I m sorry. Sir." Even felt an urge to lower his gaze and bow his head. He wondered whether that was Isak's doing or his own.

"I’ve been waiting for you, Sir. Need you to teach me a lesson.” Even heard Isak say in feigned innocence. It made Even sick to his stomach.

“Oh yeah? I bet you do, you little _slut_!”

Even felt another lash against his cheek and a push backwards. He felt pressure around his neck. Felt the sensation of his mouth being filled, maybe with tongue, maybe with fingers, maybe both.

“It’s this dirty mouth isn’t it, baby boy? Have you been saying bad words again, _doll_?" A pet name, Even noted. It sounded like an insult.

Even felt something stir between his legs. A twitch, a longing. Slightly panicked, he got up from his seat, his gaze flickering around the room.

 _Relax. It’s just conditioning. You’re preprogrammed to react to certain words. Words you’re going to get a lot_ , Isak tried to calm him down.

Even was baffled. How could Isak do what he was doing and still be able to attend to Even’s wellbeing? He felt an ache in his chest.

“Yes, sir. I’ve been a very bad boy” Isak responded, mechanically. “Saying dirty words and playing with myself” Isak lied. Even knew it was a lie.

Even pressed his palm against his crotch, trying to get the building tension there to go away. He moved to the other end of the room, as far away from their shared wall as possible. He sighed heavily and let his forehead rest against the cool wall. He didn’t like this. He _could not_ like this.

“Is that so? Didn’t I teach you a lesson last time? What word did you say, baby? Tell me.”

Even closed his eyes shut. He felt his shoulders draw up tight, lowering his head as if in fear of an attack.

“Cock, sir.” The word sounded familiar, but Even wasn’t sure where he had heard it before.

“Please give me your cock, I believe were the exact words, sir.” Isak repeated, and Even had to bite his lip. He didn’t know why.

“That is a very dirty word, doll. I’m afraid I’m going to have to clean out that pretty mouth of yours”

“Yes. Thank you, sir”

Even felt a push downwards and pressure against his knees.

"Open that pretty, dirty mouth of yours, baby"

He felt a pull by his hair and a sensation of something wet on his face.

 _Spit._ Isak explained.

Even wanted to wipe off his face. He wanted to wipe off Isak's face. His thought was interrupted by a blunt force in his mouth, followed by a bitter salty taste on his tongue, increasing in intensity. He felt his throat clog, his airways blocked briefly. He gagged. He had to steady himself at the wall, felt tears starting to stream down his face. He wasn’t sure whether they were Isak’s or his own.

 _It's okay. You’re okay. It’s code, just code. I’m right here._ Isak whispered to him. Even didn't understand why Isak wasn't the one crying.

 

 

**

 

Even woke up slowly to sunlight playing on his eyelids, animating his vision in shapes and colors so picturesque it made him yearn to jump into the vast imaginary world of lush greens, deep blues and warm, soft yellows inviting, as a memory of things remembered lovingly. He blinked, his sight still slightly blurred. Realization slowly dawning on him. He was still here. Nowhere.

He had forced himself to tune out not long after Chris had entered the room, consciously aware of his body’s humanlike reaction to what he heard. What he had smelled. Felt. For some reason he had felt the urge to hide, finding no cover in the naked room except under the bed. He had stayed there until dawn. Until his heart stopped racing and his mind went silent. He must have slept most of the day.

 

 _Oh Chris? Chris is harmless_ Isak said absentmindedly, when Even had finally brought himself to ask him about the man, the client, from the night before.

_He’s a regular, comes here every other week. A family man. Has a husband and a wife. A loving father of four. He has told me a lot about Jonas and Eva, actually. They seem like a wonderful family._

Even didn’t even try to hide his confusion. A loving family man? Punishing Isak for saying dirty words every other week?

_Chris likes It rough. Jonas and Eva don’t. So he comes here to let off some steam. He’s a nice guy, really. It’s what I’m here for anyway. You too, Even._

Even felt his nostrils flare.

 _Disgust._ Isak clarified. A _complex emotion. Well done._

Even felt heat build again in the pit of his stomach, felt anger wash over him like it had yesterday morning upon his arrival. He felt something else too.

_I… uhm- I felt something- something new last night._

_Arousal._ Isak stated bluntly. _I already explained, conditioning. It’s part of the reinforcement learning framework-_

 _Yeah yes, but no not that. Something else. Something that made me hide under the bed._ Even was starting to feel it again. It felt powerful, overwhelming. Paralyzing.

 _Ah yes, shame._ Isak sounded almost fond, like he was talking about an old friend. _Look in between your third and fourth finger. You see the stamp there?_

Even spread his fingers and immediately saw it, surprised he hadn’t noticed it before. On the inner side of his fourth finger, a tiny S.21.21 tattooed into his skin.

 _I have S.21.20_ Isak said as Even let a finger run over the black imprint on his pale skin.

 _Back in the early days of this place... well let me put it like this, robot rebellion wasn't exactly an issue, you know? The bots did their work, solved their tasks. With the implementation of shared consciousness, though, they began to experience some issues with robots constantly trying to escape. So when they developed the software for a new series, they tried to implement code to avoid that._ Isak hesitated, as if struggling to find the right words. _S is for shame, right? I’m the 20th robot in this edition. You’re the 21st. We’re building history right here._ Isak said mockingly, as if reproducing the words of someone else. Someone he hated.

 _Why shame?_ Even knew the answer before Isak answered.

 _Well... As it turns out, if you feel ashamed, it’s much more difficult to leave._ A darkness was creeping in to Isak’s voice. Even didn’t like it one bit. _You feel… you feel like you deserve it, you know?_

Even thought about it. It had felt like he couldn't leave, lying under that bed the night before. And it didn't feel like he had anyone else to blame but himself. He just had to stick it out.

 _But why do they even need to keep us here? Why not just lease us out to customers?_ Even felt chills running down his spine at his own words.

 _I’ve been a Rentbot before, if that’s what you’re asking. Believe me, you don’t want that. At least here, they only come at night. Besides with these clients it’s… different._ Even could feel Isak’s hesitation. _We’re too… high maintenance, you know? They want to keep us close, for repairs or whatever._

Even felt another shiver running down his spine. He was back to pacing the floor.

_So if we can’t leave anyway, why the fucking locks on the door then?_

_Fucking? Nice. You really are a fast learner._

_Shut up._ Even couldn’t help but smile, Isak's voice was so warm, even if his words weren't. Isak was just trying to be in this. Even would have to try too. At least they weren’t alone.

_The locks are to protect us, Even._

_Protect us?! What the fuck? Yes I know, I said fuck. Seriously though, how are they protecting us?!_ Even heard himself sneer.

_This is a large building, Even. Twenty floors below us, four times the floors above us. They can’t keep an eye on every human that comes through. They’re protecting their property._

_Their fucking property_ , Even snorted.

_Fucking property, yes. Come sit with me by the window._

Even stopped pacing the floor. He sighed and looked at the window. Isak was there, right next door. At least he didn’t have to go through this alone. He moved over to the window and sat down in the windowsill, looking out over the city. He wished he could see Isak, wished he knew what he looked like.

 _Can you feel it? The wind?_   Isak said softly. Sometimes _I like to pretend that I can feel it through these windows. Imagine it on my face and in my hair. Feel it wipe out all my memory. Wipe away my past, my sins. I like to imagine going somewhere else. Maybe to the movie theatre down there to your left?_

Even looked at the bright painted sign below. It looked old, nostalgic even.

_People still go to the movies in 2120, believe it or not. Other times I imagine taking a walk in the park over there to your right. Or catching one of those old vintage hyperloop trains out of the city._

Even smiled. He wanted that too. Something was shimmering in his vision, and he squinted his eyes, trying to focus on the sheer screen of the reflecting window glass. It was af reflection of a human being, or something resembling a human being.  _Isak._ It left him speechless. Breathless. He realized he was tuning in on Isak's vision system, seeing what Isak was seeing through his eyes, his own reflection in the glass. Sheer and intangible, fragile. Undeniably-

 _Beautiful._ Even whispered, tracing his index finger along the slopes of a perfect cupid’s bow he could barely see in the clear glass. He wanted to draw it on there, wanted to tattoo it onto the glass, so he'd always have it.

 _So. Where would you want to go, if you could go anywhere?_ Isak asked moments later.

_Everywhere. Anywhere._

 

They went everywhere. Planned to at least. To the coffee shop just around the corner. To Tokyo. To the moon and back. They talked for hours, until sunlight was slipping away from them, relentlessly pushing them into the hour of twilight, neither day nor night, then onto dusk just before the minimum brightness of the night sky would set in.

 _You know, there’s only really one place I’d want to be right now._ Even said, starring out into the night.

 _And where might that be?_ Even could hear the smile in Isak’s voice, and if he focused closely on the window's glass, he could see it too.

_Next to you-_

Even was interrupted by the click of a door unlocking. Isak turned his head towards the door in his room. Even knew, because he couldn't see Isak's reflection anymore. He was fully connected to Isak’s vision system now, seeing what Isak was seeing. He desperately wanted to turn Isak's head back, wanted to hold on to that moment, embark on another journey out into a world of their own creation.

Instead, he saw the yellow door in Isak's room push open.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Additional chapter warnings: verbal abuse, conditioning, unwanted erections, implied/referenced dubcon/non-con.
> 
> So... I hope you enjoyed it so far - next up, DARK! Even will have his first client. He’ll realize that he loves Isak, and that he has a special skill, which he will have to fight for. Even and Isak share a special moment. 
> 
> I'd love to get your feedback and thoughts? Your kudos and comments truly make it all worth it! Thank you for reading <3


	2. DARK

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The city was getting colder and less colorful by the hour.
> 
>  _Winter is close,_ Isak had said with a tremble in his voice that Even could tell he was trying to hide.
> 
> _What’s winter like?_
> 
> _Colder. Darker. Longer._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: The chapter features a scene where a character relives childhood trauma and abuse of emotional nature in a sexual situation (the abuse itself was not of sexual nature). Additional chapter warnings in end-notes.
> 
>    
> Aahhhh yesss FINALLY!  
> Jeez this chapter was killing me! But it’s done and I love it to bits, and I’m so excited to share it with you!
> 
> As per usual I have to thank my Tulip, my lil flower and howling alpha, for hugging me through the Dark and for betaing and sending me awesome hc’s. She told me to shut the fuck up when I suggested adding her as co-creator, but really her scent is all over this, which makes me loved it even more. Thanks babe <3
> 
> Also, thank you to Laika and Jammie for all the support and encouragement and for generally just being awesome and feeding me inspiration daily. 
> 
> As always, your kudos and comments are greatly appreciated <3 Honestly, they give me LIFE (because I am a slut lol)
> 
> Featured lyrics still from Zayn/Sia’s Dusk Till Dawn.
> 
> Okay, here we go. Enjoy some Dark!

 

 

***

_‘Cause I wanna touch you baby_

_And I wanna feel you too_

_I wanna see the sun rise_

_On your sins_

_Just me and you_

 

***

 

It had been days, maybe weeks. It felt like years, lifetimes. Even hadn’t had his own clients yet. He didn’t know what was causing the delay, didn’t mind it though. It meant he got to spend more time with Isak, just the two of them. At least this way he could pretend it was just the two of them.

They spent most days in their window sills looking out over the city. Being somewhere else, together. At the beach, setting up kites in strong winds, letting them drift up and away, wrapping their hands around the tiny strings holding them, the only thing preventing them from taking off. Or in the park on a bench, wrapped up in scarfs and beanies and blankets, watching yellow leaves cling on to branches within an inch of their life, until finally they had to let go. The city was getting colder and less colorful by the hour.

 _Winter is close,_ Isak had said with a tremble in his voice that Even could tell he was trying to hide.

_What’s winter like?_

_Colder. Darker. Longer._ Isak sighed. _Let’s not talk about winter now. Spring will be here before we know it. It’s my favorite season, it’s so beautiful. Like the dawn of the year. Brighter days and shorter nights. We just have to wait._

There was something in Isak’s voice, a promise.

Even knew what it was like to wait for dawn. He spent most nights doing just that. Fully connected to Isak’s vision system now, he could see everything. Tuning in regularly to check up on him, he still couldn’t bring himself to look at their faces. The clients. Not even if Isak was looking directly at them. The fleeting images and audio combined with tactile feedback was plenty of input anyway.

Tick Tock

Tick Tock

Twitch Twist

Clutch Grab

_Anger._

Tick Tock

Tick Tock

Pull Punch

Thrust Choke

_Frustration._

Tick Tock

Break Rip

Slash Shatter

Shake Shutter

_Regret._

Sometimes he’d try to distract himself by looking out over the city, counting pixel-sized solar panels of shiny facades or the distant lights of surveillance drones hovering over the city, like blinking dots on a giant vintage motherboard. Sometimes Even wondered what is what like to have a mother.  

 _You’ll have to look at your own clients sometimes, you know that right?_ Isak had chuckled one day, when the last client had left and the sterilization process was running, turning the room into a literal gas chamber. The only time of day, where airtight doors and locks were for the safety of the ones on the outside.

Even _knew_. He just… couldn’t yet. He didn’t want to know their names, feel their gaze on him. He didn’t need it either. His system, his body and mind, was adapting perfectly without it. Nonlinear processing units automatically extracting, transforming the neural network, each layer corresponding to different levels of abstraction.

 _You’re doing fine._ Isak said reassuringly.

Even was still amazed at how Isak was able to focus on _his_ thoughts and feelings, when he was the one taking the actual clients. Maybe this was his way of not having to deal with his own.

Sometimes he wanted to walk in front of the mirror, just to let Isak know he was there with him, but Isak had specifically asked him not to, and he had given him his word. He knew there was a mirror in Isak’s room too. For some reason Isak never looked at himself in it though. Even didn’t dare ask him to. So instead he just watched the parts of his body Isak did occasionally look at. Down his arms and legs, sometimes his hips or chest or parts of his shoulders and back, if Isak was inspecting himself after a particular rough client. Even didn’t miss a mark, a detail, a bruise. He was mapping it out in his mind.

They would watch dawn break together. Watch the battered sky slowly soften in purples and blues, pinks and yellows like Isak’s skin. The sun fighting its way back up to the surface gasping for air, shooting rays of light like red flare signals at every reflecting surface within reach. Isak was right. It was the best time of day. Spring would probably be his favorite time of year too. _Brighter days, shorter nights._

Still, sleep was important even for machines, Isak insisted. Explaining how hibernation mode was needed for necessary repairs and healing. So eventually Even would lay down with him, close his eyes and drift off to the sound of Isak’s slow steady breathing. Sometimes staying awake just a little longer, listening to his small sighs, planning their next trip or play out scenes in his mind. Tracing an imaginary finger from light beam to light beam like connecting dots, creating shapes and frames or coloring certain details in his mind he hadn’t seen yet.

Lips, cheekbones, fluttering lashes.

 

 

**

 _It’s weird_ Isak said one night after the first client had left.

 _Hmm_ Even responded distantly, he didn’t know what to answer, didn’t know what Isak was referring to. A lot of things were weird these days.

 _It’s been more than two weeks since your first day here._ Isak paused.

It _was_ weird, Even agreed. It had been weeks, and he still hadn’t had his first client yet.

_Yeah, Chris hasn’t been here since._

Oh.

Even felt something, a sting. He felt his teeth clench. He didn’t recognize the emotion, and Isak didn’t explain it further.

Even heard the click of a lock, the sound so familiar by now he didn’t react at first, didn’t turn around until the door was pushed completely open. _His_ door.

 _This is it. Good luck._ Isak whispered to him.

Even felt his breath hitch, felt an urge to hold it.

 _Don’t be scared. I’m right here._ Isak said reassuringly.

Even was looking at a set of sneakers. He didn’t dare look up. The feet were large and a little restless, like the person was swaying on them, trying to figure out how to use them. For some reason he found the hesitation calming.

He had seen many different clients through Isak’s eyes, and even though he had never looked at their faces, he could tell they were usually upper class. Dark suits and crisp white shirts that stained easily. Expensive vintage watches that hadn’t served an actual purpose in a hundred-some years. Sometimes showing off alumni rings to indicate they had actually went through the trouble of going to college, put in the time and effort for analogue learning in a time when knowledge and skills were usually downloaded as needed.

These sneakers didn’t look particularly upper class, though. Slowly, Even looked up.

He didn’t know what he had expected, but this wasn’t it. In the open doorway stood a boy. Young. Maybe even younger than Even. Blonde hair and reddish spotted skin. A backpack over his shoulder. Blue eyes like Even’s. Exaggerated features made him look like he was still growing into his body, into his skin. Reluctantly, he met Even’s gaze, blonde brows slightly furrowed. Even could tell he had been crying.

 _I don’t know this one. He’s new._ Isak said in his mind. _Looks sweet. Those are usually worse._

The boy stepped closer, still averting Even’s gaze, closing the door behind him. Even had no idea how to proceed, so he waited.

For a moment they just stood there, Even looking at the boy, the boy looking at his feet. The boy took a deep breath, then a step forward. Warily, as if Even was a wild animal waking up from sedation. He felt like one.

 _Breathe._ Even wasn’t sure whether the voice reminding him was Isak’s or his own.

The boy was still not looking directly at him, but Even could still feel his gaze on him out of the corner of his eye. He took another step forward, dropped his backpack on the floor and then suddenly, as if pushed by an outside force, the boy surged forward and grabbed Even’s wrist, twisting his arm behind his back and locking it there. He turned him around in a swift move and pushed Even forward, pressing firmly between his shoulder blades.

Even felt the air punched out of him as he hit the bed, the side of his face pressed into the black padded mattress. The sound of it made the boy flinch, immediately letting go of his wrists and taking a step back. Even didn’t move, he just waited. He knew this position so well from the many times Isak had been in it, knew the procedure. He felt calm.

 _Accept_.

The boy took a step forward and grabbed Even’s hips, his fingers pressing into the skin there. Even could tell he was breathing harder. The boy moved his hands up a bit, grabbing a hold of the lining of Even’s sweatpants. He closed his eyes.

“Fuck” the boy sighed loudly, letting go of the waistband.

Even didn’t know how long he had been standing there, he had lost track of time.

 _Well this is new. Cute._ Isak said, sounding almost amused. Or spiteful.

 _Sarcasm_ , Even reminded himself.

“I can’t” the boy whispered and Even turned his head to see what was going on behind him.

“I fucking can’t!” the boy repeated louder, pulling back completely and pushing himself up against the wall like he was trying to blend into it. Tears were spilling from his eyes and down onto the concrete floor. It looked like little snowflakes melting on pavement, reminding Even of a recent day trip in the snow with Isak. _Winter.._

 _Isak?_ Even tried in his mind.

_Don’t ask at me?! I don’t know how to deal with shit like this!_

Even took a deep breath and pushed himself up from the mattress. He turned around to sit on the bed across from where the boy was sitting.

“Do you-” he swallowed, trying to gain the strength to ask.

“Do you want to hit me?” he finally asked, sounding more curious than confused. “Would that help?”

“What the fu- No!” the boy looked horrified.

“Okay, I’m just- most clients who come here seem to think-

“Well I don’t hit peop- _any_ one!” the boy sounded frustrated, wiping away more tears with the back of his hand.

Even registered the distinct click of a lock. Isak would be having his own client now. He was on his own with this.

He looked at the boy. He was gazing out the window, at the city outside. Even knew that look. The look of someone pretending to be somewhere else.

“My name is Even. What’s yours?” he asked carefully.

“Magnus” the boy sniffled, wiping his nose with his sleeve.

“Magnus” Even repeated. For some reason he wanted to know this name, wanted to remember it.

“Why are you here, Magnus?”

The boy leaned back, tilting his head against the wall. He blinked a few times, sending a new stream of tears down his cheeks.

“I haven’t done... _this_ before. Any of it” he said, gesturing awkwardly between them.

“Me neither” Even stated, matter-of-factly.

The boy looked at him in disbelief, like he wasn’t sure whether Even was making a joke.

“Isn’t it what you were made for?” he asked curiously, brows still furrowed.

“I guess” Even looked back out the window again “I’m new here. You’re my first.. _client_.”

The boy winced at the word. He rubbed his eyes with one hand and let it run through his hair, exhaling loudly.

“I… I just wanted to get it over with” the boy sighed.

Even knew how that felt too. How he had felt lying on that bed, waiting for the boy to pull down his sweatpants. _Accept_ , he had told himself. _Defeat_ was probably more accurate.

“Why this place then? Why _here_?” Even asked, gazing suggestively over the room. “Why not just go to one of the brothels downtown? They have ones with humans too, right?”

Magnus nodded. He bit his lip, like he was trying to find the right words.

“I just... I thought it would be easier, you know?” he said quietly “I don’t really want to do it. With humans, with _anyone_ really” his voice barely above a whisper.

“I think I understand” Even said. He meant it.

“You don’t!” Magnus’ voice cracked, tears starting to form in his eyes again.

“ _No one_ does! These days, you can do whatever the fuck you want, fuck whoever, _whatever_ , you want.” he gestured casually at Even. “You can even marry a _thing-“_

Even winced at the objectification, realizing Magnus had felt the exact same thing when Even had called him a client just moments before.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to... I’m-“ Magnus tried

“Don’t be” Even assured him. “It’s true, I guess.”

“I just mean” Magnus reiterated, fiddling with the string of his hoodie. “You can be with anyone you want, but if you don’t want to be with _anyone_ , marry _anyone..._ if you're asexual, _then_  you’re weird?!” The boy sighed, looking up at Even.

Even nodded once, trying to understand what Magnus was saying.

“You really want to know why I chose this place?” he asked, and Even nodded again.

“I heard-“ Magnus hesitated, like he was struggling to find the right words “A colleague of mine was bragging about a night with the _S-series_. How he could do whatever he wanted, because they- you, felt ashamed or something?”

Even swallowed. He was biting the inside of his cheek.

“I guess- I just thought it would be easier with someone who knows what that feels like? That I’d feel less alone”

Even pushed himself off of the bed and walked over to where Magnus was sitting, dropped down to sit next to him.

“I’m fucking pathetic” Magnus chuckled. He sounded sad, but at ease. _Accept_ , _defeat_ ? Even wasn’t sure. _Clarity_ , at least.

Magnus reached for his bag and pulled out a black notebook with a pen attached to it in a string.

“I make up these stupid stories about who I’ve been with. Where it took place, the positions. Like here” he pointed “Reverse cowgirl, public bathroom. I write them down to keep track of them” he handed Even the book unceremoniously.

Even looked at the binding, brushed his hand over it. It had a nice quality to it, felt heavy in his hand. He opened it and ran a finger over one of the pages. _Real_ _paper. Rare._

“I make up stories too” Even said, flipping through pages of scribblings and tiny drawings of faceless people. About one third into the book, the pages went blank.

“Keep it. Write them down, or whatever?”

Even felt a jolt of excitement running through him, a sudden urge to fill each of the pages with trips and details and descriptions of sounds and scents. Fill it with Isak _._

“Thank you” he just said, sending Magnus a warm smile.

They sat there for a while, shoulder to shoulder, gazing out the window. Even clutching his new notebook, Magnus hugging his backpack close, resting his chin on it.

“You know… you’ve paid for the full hour.” Even said, turning his head a bit towards Magnus. “Do you want to do something? We don’t have to be _together_ like that, you know?”

“Maybe just _be_ together, then? Can we do that?” Magnus asked, blinking up at him.

“We can.” Even nodded, smiling.

Magnus leaned his head against Even’s shoulder. Closed his eyes, sighing softly.

“Thank you, Even.”

 

 

**

They were watching dawn break together. Even hadn’t had any other clients that night, Isak’s last one had just left.

Even couldn’t stop thinking about Magnus. He had seemed so lonely. He thought about his first day and how Isak had sat down with him, back to back, just like he had just been sitting shoulder to shoulder with Magnus.

 _Why don’t humans have shared consciousness?_ he asked, flipping through the written pages in the book.

 _They tried it at some point, I’ve heard._ Isak said, putting on some clothes. _Way before our time. Depression was at its highest ever, spreading like wildfire. They were talking about a mass epidemic._

 _It didn’t help?_ Even felt his heart sink.

 _It did, actually._ Isak said, sounding genuinely surprised. _A little too well maybe. Suicide rates dropped, crime rates too. But so did humans’ possessiveness, their need for power, for politics. Their general support of oppression, right?_

Isak was looking at his own reflection again, like he knew Even was watching him too. He looked beautiful in the sunrise, the light playing in his eyes.

_It’s just easier to control people, when they’re alone you know? When their mind is alone._

Even felt a sudden overwhelming gratefulness that he’d had Isak. That _his_ mind hadn’t been alone. That he wasn’t alone now, had someone to just _be_ with. He wondered whether Isak’d had that before him.

_Did you have anyone to teach you? You know back when you were…_

_A rentbot?_ Isak finished his sentence for him. Even was grateful he didn’t have to.

_Yeah, I did._

Isak was smiling. Even could see it in the reflection of the window, as Isak’s eyes wandered out to the horizon, like they had found this person out there in the sunrise, clinging on to a visual made entirely from memory. The smile was warm, the pain in his eyes unmistakable. _Loss._

 _There was no shared consciousness back then though. But I did have a mentor in those first years, when I started working at the brothels. My guru,_ Isak laughed fondly. _He taught me the routines, the rules. My rights. About tights and mascara too._ Isak rolled his eyes, shaking his head a little. _He taught me a lot of things, really. Not just about work, but about life and people and stuff, you know?_

Even didn’t know. But he was beginning to understand.

_Like, how you don’t have to deal with everything on your own? How to be kind and not judge others. Co-workers, clients…_

_You miss him._

Isak nodded.

_What’s his name?_

Isak’s eyes clouded and a shadow passed over his face as he gazed out over the lifeless city. He swallowed.

 _Doesn’t matter,_ he sighed. _He’s gone now. Or I don’t know where he is. We lost touch when I was recruited for this place. And I’m never getting out of here anyway so-_

_Describe him to me._

Even grabbed the pen and notebook, flipped it open an started drawing lines on one of the blank pages, outlining a figure of sorts. He felt a jolt of excitement much like the one he had first felt when Magnus had offered him the book.

_What?_

_Tell me about him. What he looks like?_ Even drew another few lines on the paper, a head, shoulders and arms starting to show. _Look through my eyes, does it look right?_

They worked on it from the break of dawn and until the sun was high in the sky. Until Isak was satisfied with every little detail. The slight tilt of his head and the pout on his lips, the sparkle in his eye. Arms crossed as he stood in a silky robe, leaning against a counter, looking kind and kind of charmingly condescending.

 _I see him now. It’s him. I see him!_ Isak sounded excited, maybe even happy.

They worked some more. Until Even’s eyes were burning and his hand started to shake. Until he felt tears streaming down his cheeks. This time, they weren’t his own.

 

 

**

So that was what he did. _Draw._

With only a few hours of sleep each day, he’d wake up and get to work. Spend the entire afternoon drawing, either at Isak’s request or from his own imagination.

Isak in a snapback at the beach, in safe distance to the water of course, laughing up at the clouds as he let go of the kite watching it fly high, detailing the tail of it snaking away across the sky. Isak in a blue beanie, lying in a pile of yellow leafs in the park, throwing them into the air like a child, a wide grin on his face. Isak with wet hair fresh from an imaginary shower, sitting at a table by the window at the nearby coffee shop, holding a cup of coffee in his hand and a book in the other, pretending to read it like one of those few old fashioned humans still considering manual reading culture, sneaking peeks at Even over it every now and then. Or Isak in a suit and blue tie, sitting in the red, plush vintage seats of the old cinema, scrunching up his nose at some old Nordic noir film that Even had made him watch on opening night.

Isak had tried to tell him he needed to sleep more. Even didn’t want to waste time sleeping when he could be drawing.

Clients were coming and going. Through Isak’s door and his own. He wasn’t always sure, wasn’t really paying attention. Rarely remembered them after. Just picked up his pen and notebook and drew.

 _You’ll get complaints you know? If the clients think you’re not acting natural,_ Isak had tried _._

Still, Even could tell Isak liked it. Sometimes correcting little details or suggesting new scenes for Even to draw. He could tell from Isak’s silence how much he liked it when Even drew him from memory. Liked seeing himself through Even’s eyes.

Isak’s face. His lips, deep red and curved, white teeth showing when he smiled. His hair, soft and curly, tinted in different shades of pink in the sunrise. His eyes, dark green and playful. Powerful.

Magnus had only given him a black pen, so the coloring he had to do in his mind. Still, things were starting to make sense. His life was starting to have meaning. Purpose. Drawing. Drawing Isak.

He drew Magnus once too, on the first page of the book, to not forget him. He was forgetting everything else. It didn’t really matter, he remembered every line, every colour, every detail of his trips with Isak.

_Can I… see you? Like, really see you?_

Even had finally gathered the courage to ask one particularly beautiful dawn, the sun glittering through the frosted air outside.

He could feel Isak’s hesitation.

_I’m not- the sterilisation hasn’t begun yet. I’m not… clean. And the client was…_

_Rough. I know, mine too. I want to draw you anyway. All of you._

Despite the hesitation, Even could see Isak slowly stepping in front of the mirror, his hands trying to cover his body as much as possible. Even knew this feeling. He knew what it was like to want to cover up your skin, the signs of your sins.

_Isak. You’re beautiful. Please let me see you._

Taking a deep breath, Isak let go, letting his hands drop down beside him. He looked up at himself in the mirror.

It was the first time Even had ever seen Isak’s body and face in its entirety. It took his breath away.

With a newly found determination, Even started to draw. Every line, curve. Every bruise, every cut. He didn’t stop to speak, didn’t stop to brush his hair out of his eyes. He wasn’t even sure he stopped to breathe. He didn’t stop until every little detail of Isak was mapped out in front of him

He looked at the cut on Isak’s cheek, could tell Isak was looking at it too.

Slowly, he lifted the paper to his lips and kissed the cut, the wetness of his lips smudging it a bit. He ran his thumb over it, smudging it some more until it was just a faded shadow on the paper. He kissed another bruise on Isak’s hip and smudged it too, continued the procedure until every cut and bruise was just that. A faded shadow on paper.

Even felt something, he could tell Isak felt it too.

Isak didn’t explain it. He didn’t have to.

_I wish I could touch you._

_I know. I wish you could too,_ Isak whispered.

Even traced a finger over the drawing. Isak’s cheek, his chin, along his collarbone and down his arm. He touched it where he had drawn Isak’s fingers. He could tell Isak was looking at it too.

 _I can almost feel it,_ he sighed softly.

Even looked at Isak in the mirror, he felt out of breath.

_Touch me again, please._

Isak was looking directly in the mirror, he started brushing his hand up his arm to his shoulder. Even mirrored his movements, tracing his finger along the thin, faded lines, over the edge of his shoulder to his face on the drawing.

Isak had stopped moving, like he was waiting for Even to take the lead.

 _I really like your lips_ he whispered, touching the curve of Isak’s upper lip with his fingertip.

Isak mirrored him, letting his hand travel up to his face, running a finger over his lips, parted them slightly. Even could almost feel the softness of them, the wetness of his tongue as he let his finger meet it at his bottom lip, grazing his finger along the tip of it.

Even felt himself swallow hard, the adaptive pigment embedded in his silicone skin making it look flushed.

 _I just want to be close to you,_ he let out a shaky breath.

He brought the paper to his face, rubbing his cheek against it, his nose. Let his lips brush over it.

_You are._

Isak’s other hand was roaming his chest, his stomach, leaving goosebumps in its wake. Grazing along the outline of the artificial muscle underneath the soft pale skin. Even watched Isak’s nipples harden, tiny nano-sized motors making the skin contract under his touch.

 _Even_ Isak breathed out, panting quietly now.

His lips were trembling and Even could tell he was struggling to keep his eyes open, fighting the natural urge to shut them, wanting Even to see him.

He looked at Isak through his eyes in the mirror, he looked at his entire body. The skin flushing, the muscle tensing. The bundle of skin between his legs, that Even had drawn soft, had grown hard. He felt himself grow harder at the sight. He wanted to caress it, kiss it.

 _Cock_ Isak whispered softly, like he wanted Even to know it could also be said with tenderness.

Isak’s entire body was trembling before him, his hands shaking as they roamed his chest, neck, face, his hair. Pulling gently at his lips, his nipples. Even could see Isak’s simulated pulse in his cock, could see the glistening wetness at the tip of it. He could feel Isak’s urge to touch it. He didn’t.

_You’re so beautiful Isak. I can feel you._

Isak was panting hard, letting out soft quiet moans as the movements of his hands over his skin became more frantic. Desperate.

 _Even. Even. I can’t- I can’t keep my eyes open much longer_ he moaned quietly.

_It’s okay, Isak. Just let go. I can feel you. Let go._

Even could feel Isak’s relief as he closed his eyes shut, both hands fisting his soft curls as his body shuttered through it. Even felt a rush through his body, an explosion blanking his mind in shades of white like snow on a sunny morning, felt his body collapse like his mind had left it momentarily, like his entire system was short circuiting.

_I love you._

He didn’t know who said it, couldn’t tell his own mind apart from Isak’s, couldn’t tell their bodies apart. They were no longer being together, they were _being_. Together.

 

 

**

Weeks went by and although Even was fully occupied most of the time drawing, rendering images in his mind, he could tell the days were getting shorter and the nights longer.

Snow had started to gather in the streets. It looked pretty. Pristine. He drew footprints in it, snowmen and ice forts and tiny igloos since no human seemed to have the time to play in it.

 _So… what does 21 mean?_ Even asked one evening, as they were sitting in the windowsills enjoying the last rays of sunlight.

His hands were cramping from drawing all day, the book was almost full. He’d have to figure out something else to draw on soon. He was rubbing the sore muscles in his hands, tracing a finger along the black digits tattooed onto his skin.

 _I know S is for shame, but what about 21?_ Even clarified his question.

 _Told you already, that’s the production number._ Isak sighed _. I’m the 20th robot in this edition, you’re the 21st._

_No the other 21, I mean? There’s another 21. Mine says S.21.21, yours is S.21.20? We both have 21._

Even could see Isak looking at his fingers. Even loved drawing Isak’s hands. They were smaller than his, delicate. It felt like he could wrap his own hand around both of them and cover them entirely. Sometimes he thought about how it would feel to kiss his fingertips. Trying not to think about the fact, that he would never know.

_So what does it mean? 21 what?_

Isak went silent. Even could tell he was looking back out the window, stretching his neck a bit to look down at the snowy street, or maybe the building below. Isak squeezed his eyes shut, shook his head.

_Isa-_

_You don’t want to know,._ he interrupted him.

Isak was looking at his tattoo again, rubbing it as if trying to get it off.

 _Well I don’t want to know most things you tell me._ Even tried, smiling. _You usually tell me anyway?_

He couldn’t see Isak’s reflection anymore. Isak had stepped away from the window. Even felt fingers in his hair, Isak was running his hands through his own, pulling it a bit.

 _It’s your… age. Your age, Even._ Isak hesitated for a moment, took a deep breath.

 _The_ _age you’re supposed to look anyway._ Isak sighed, emphasizing the word _look._

Isak had walked over to the mirror. Something he rarely did, except when Even asked for his permission to draw him. He was looking at his own reflection in it, like he was trying to look Even in the eye.

 _It’s-_ Isak cleared his throat, rubbing his neck with his other hand. _It’s also the floor of the building. Our age corresponds to the floor we’re on._

Even could see tears starting to form in the corner of Isak’s eyes, glittering in the fading sunlight from the window, like tiny snowflakes on a cold, frosty morning.

Even’s own eyes narrowed for a moment, then widened just as fast in disbelief. The snowflakes had melted, leaving a wet trail down Isak’s cheeks. Isak looked away.

_But there’s twenty floors-_

Even looked out the window and down at the building beneath him, mirroring Isak just moments before. He could see the fading sunlight reflecting off of the windows about four floors down, thankful the setting sun couldn’t reach any further down, the rest of the building shrouded in darkness.

Even felt his stomach tie into a tight knot. He felt his body jerk like it was trying to escape processing this information entirely. If he’d had any stomach contents, he was sure his body would have emptied it out on the floor.

_Isak, we need to stop this! We need to get the fuck out of here and stop this._

He pushed himself up on his feet and away from the window. He was pacing again.

_Breathe._

His heart was racing and it felt like his blood was boiling as he moved over and grabbed his sketching book, ripping out page after page of illusion, seeing them fall to the floor like feathers.

_Even. Come stand in front of the mirror so I can see you, please._

Reluctantly, Even stopped moving. Still breathing hard, he forced himself to walk up to the mirror, saw tears streaming from his own eyes. He knew Isak could see them too. He let him see them.

_Remember what I said about spring being the dawn of the year?_

Even looked confused, he could see the confusion mixing with the despair in his own eyes. He shook his head, covering his face in his hands.

 _Baby, look at me please._ Isak pleaded.

He did _._ He had too. Even looked at Isak’s reflection in the mirror. His eyes looked so kind, worried. Focused.

 _Comfort. Love_.

_Listen to me, Even. If the day has a dawn, and the year has a dawn, the hour must have a dawn too, right? Each minute, a dawn?_

Isak was speaking fast, like he was in a rush. Even felt fresh tears stream down his cheeks.

_If you look for dark, you will find darkness. But if you choose to focus on that silver lining in the horizon, to look for the dawn in this day. In this hour. You’ll find dawn in this minute too, Even._

He was resting his forehead against the mirror, he could tell Isak was too. If he squeezed his eyes shut, he could almost feel Isak’s skin against his.

_But what about the truth? Even asked quietly_

_Truth is for humans. We’ll create our own truth, Even._

For a moment they just stood there, forehead against forehead, reflection against reflection, breathing together.

_I need you, Isak. I need to feel you._

Even could hear the desperation in his own word, felt an overwhelming urge to punch the mirror, shatter it, step inside it and just hug Isak. Cry into his hair and let Isak hold him through it.

_I know, baby. Feel me. Put your hands, your body, here on the mirror. I’m right here. Feel me here._

Even pushed himself up against the mirror, could feel the desperation in his body as he let it cover the cool silver surface, watched his tears fall on it like raindrops on window glass. For the first time feeling like he was stuck on the outside of things, desperately wanting to get in.

He didn’t know how long they had been standing there, but when he opened his eyes, the room looked darker. Even heard the distinct click of a lock and for the first time in a while he felt himself directing his full attention to something other than his drawings, something other than Isak.

He turned his head towards the yellow door. So did Isak.

“Chris?” he heard Isak say.

 

 

**

Chris was standing in the doorway. Even could see him through Isak’s eyes. He wanted to tune out, look away, but he couldn’t.

Chris wasn’t alone.

Next to him stood a woman. Fair skin and rosy cheeks. Plumb lips and long, wavey auburn hair. It looked soft. Her eyes were blue, and Even could tell they were usually warm and kind. Right now they were bloodshot and full of rage.

“Is this it? Is this _him_?!” her gaze shifting fast between Chris and Isak.

Chris nodded reluctantly, casting a timid glance at Isak and then back at her. Even could feel Isak’s shoulders tensing up.

“Move!” she pushed Chris forward and shut the door behind them.

Even could see Chris through Isak’s eyes. He looked different, smaller. He had dark circles under his eyes.

“So this is it, huh? This is where you go every other week?!” she was gesturing wildly with one hand, the other one stuffed in her jacket pocket. She seemed to be holding on to something.

Chris didn’t reply.

“ _Isak_ , is it?”

“Yes?” Isak said quietly, slowly looking up. Even could tell he was trying not to meet her gaze.

“So tell me, _Isak_ ” she sneered “What exactly is it you do? Or should I say, what is it _he_ does to you?”

Isak’s gaze shifted between her and Chris. Chris’ eyes were fixed somewhere on the floor.

“You see he won’t tell me, _Isak_ ” she raised her voice “He won’t _fucking tell me_ what it is he’s getting from _you_! What it is he can’t get from me or his husband.”

 _Jealousy?_ Isak whispered in Even’s mind. Even could tell Isak was confused too.

“Did you know that, huh? Did you know he _had_ a wife and a husband?!” She was emphasizing the word _had._

Tears were rolling down her cheeks. She dried her eyes with her sleeve, sniffling. For a moment the room went completely silent.

“Tell me!” she yelled, making both Isak and Chris jump. She walked up to Isak, her face close to his, staring into his eyes.

“Does he smack you around, huh? Call you a fucking bitch? His little _slut?!_ ” she hissed.

Even felt a twitch in his pants. _Conditioning_ he reminded himself.

“Tell me!!” she screamed, yanking her other hand out of her pocket, revealing a gun in it and pointing it at Isak.

“Eva, baby...” Chris tried

 _Eva_ , Even repeated in his mind.

Chris was reaching out for her hand, taking a step towards her.

“Don’t you fucking touch me!!” she pointed the gun at him and he immediately pulled back, hands raised in defence.

“Then _show_ me, Chris! If you won’t tell me, I’ll fucking _make_ you do it to him right here in front of me!”

Even could feel Isak’s heart racing, could hear his breath hitch in his throat as she pointed the gun at Chris.

“I’ll tell you! I’ll tell you!” he said nervously, moving in between Eva and Chris, hands raised in surrender. Even felt a sting of something at Isak’s attempt to protect Chris.

“He just… he slaps me a bit, calls me names-”

“What names?”

“I think you got them already. Slut, bitch. Doll.”

 _“Doll?”_ She frowned, looking back at Chris. Even could see her nostrils flare. _Disgust._

“What else?” she was still pointing the gun at Chris.

“Then he just… takes me, my throat or-”

“He just _takes_ you?” she spat.

“Yes, it’s not that bad, really. Most clients who come here are much wor-”

“Well if it’s not that bad, why won’t you just do it to _me_ then, Chris?” she stepped closer, pushed Isak out of her way, inches away from Chris. “Why don’t you _just take_ _me_?”

Chris didn’t say a word, looked like he was completely rigid with terror.

“Is this what you want, huh? Is this what you want, Chris?” she said, suddenly sounding eerily calm, staring into his eyes. He had tears in them, Even could see it from where Isak was standing.

She dropped to her knees, starting to unzip his jeans, tears still in her eyes, the gun still in her hand.

“Tell me if this is what you want from me. From Jonas. We’ll do it” she was sobbing, sounding completely defeated.

Isak gaze was shifting from her to Chris and back. Even could feel he was worried.

“Do you want to fuck my throat, Chris? Call me a fucking slut?” she was looking up at him, pulling out his soft cock. “Have that little _thing_ of yours smack me around?” she gestured at Isak with the gun.

“Eva, I don’t-”

“Shut the fuck up!” she yelled, pointing the gun up at him again.

Then, slowly she turned it at Isak. Pointing it straight at him.

 

“Hit me”

 

 _What the fuck_ Even bursted out, silently wishing they’d just get the fuck on with his own client for the night, so he could focus on something else for a moment, get distracted by his own pain and stop thinking about others’.

 _I can’t hit her_ Isak clarified in his mind.

 _“_ He can’t hurt you, sweetheart” Chris said carefully. “First law of Asimov. You know this.”

“Fucking Isaac Asimov, what a _gem!_ ” she laughed coldly. _Sarcasm_. Even knew that one all too well by now.

“What’s that law again?” she asked, directed at Isak, gun still pointed at him.

“A robot may not injure a human being or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm.” Isak cited mechanically.

“...or through inaction, allow-” she repeated for a moment, slowly like she was contemplating.

Then, she turned the gun and pointed it at herself.

 

“Hit me, or I’ll shoot.”

 

 _Isak?_ Even felt like he couldn’t breathe. He was terrified, he could tell Isak was too.

He heard the click of lock, loud and clear. He had to force himself to tune out, to let go of Isak and turn his head to see who was entering. He could still hear Eva screaming at Isak to hit her.

He’d have to tune in and check up on Isak later.

In the doorway stood a man. Young, tall and slender. Dressed in all-black. Black suit and matching shirt and tie. No stains visible. Black shoes, black gloves. Even could smell the leather. Rare these days, he thought, considering most animals were gone extinct decades ago. He was holding a coil of rope in his hand.

“You’re new” he stated matter-of-factly, dropping the rope next to his feet.

“I usually go next door. It seems to be... occupied tonight” he smiled slyly, revealing sharp canines.

 _Isak?_ Even whispered in his mind.

 _Wha- why the fuck are they sending him to you?_ Isak bursted out, emphasizing the word _him._ He sounded angry, maybe even afraid. _He’s not a job for a goddamn rookie!_

 _“_ Baby, please…” he could hear Chris beg through Isak’s audio. Eva was sobbing. “Again!”

Even felt someone grab his chin, realizing too late it was not Isak’ but his own.

The man had walked over, now turning his head from one side to the other. Then up, like he was inspecting him. Inspecting goods, property.

“We should get to know each other, hmm?” he said calmly, strapping first one stirrup, then a second, to the bed where Even was sitting.

Even looked over at the cabinet, the clients’ side of it was open. He didn’t notice the man opening it. Didn’t even notice him walk over. How long had he been tuned in on Isak?

“Open your mouth” the man ordered.

Even did. Let the client push four fingers inside and spread them. Even winced like it hurt.

“Good teeth”

He pushed his fingers further into his mouth, pressing down on his tongue, inspecting the entrance to his throat. Even could hear gagging sounds. They weren’t his own.

“Eva please, I’m hurting you” he heard Chris cry.

For a moment Even tuned back in to Isak’s vision system, saw Eva on her knees, still holding the gun to her own head, Chris above her, tears streaming down her face with every thrust. She pointed the gun at Isak, signalling him to do something. Even could feel tears on Isak’s cheeks. He raised his hand.

Even couldn’t take it. He tuned back out and into his own vision system.

The man had stepped back a bit. He was looking at him, arms crossed, resting his chin on his fist. Even felt his skin flush like he was nervous. Nervous that he had acted suspiciously, unnatural.

The man didn’t say a word in what felt like forever. Minutes.

“You look like me. We could be brothers…” he tilted his head.

Even opened his mouth to speak, but the client continued, his tone slightly different.

“Why would you bring up your brother?!” he spat, turning his head to the side.

Even’s brows furrowed. He looked at the client, confused.

“I want to try something new” the man stated, walking over towards the door where had left the rope.

“Yes, sir” Even replied.

“You be me. I’ll be you. Tie me up!” he yelled, picking it up an throwing it towards Even. “It’ll be fun!” he chuckled coldly.

“I could use a good beating. It’s been a while and I’ve been missing Dad lately”

Even was confused more than anything.

“I can’t … hurt you” he tried, thoughts travelling to Eva next door, to Isak. He didn’t dare tune back in.

“ _Fucking_ Asimov!” the man grunted.

“I’m sorry, sir.”

“You know, the second law does say you robots must obey the orders given you by a human?”

“...except where such order would conflict with the first law” Even continued.

 _Careful_ … Even could hear Isak whisper. He wasn’t sure whether it was for him or Chris.

The man’s eyes darkened.

“What’s the fucking use of you, if you won’t do as you’re told?!”

He walked over and raised his hand. Even closed his eyes. He was surprised at how much harder one could hit with the back of their hand compared to the palm. 2.73 times harder, he estimated.

The man moved even closer, standing right in front of Even. He leaned in close.

“You’re _useless_. You know that right?!” the man sneered.

Even nodded. He looked up at him, saw the rage in his eye, almost like white flashes of vintage photo cameras or reflecting moonlight.

The man flew at him, grabbed at Even’s throat with one hand, wrapping the other one firmly around his soft cock. He pressed his thumb into the side of Even’s cheek, forcing him to turn away. His other hand started stroking roughly, painful pulls that Even was sure would hurt if he’d actually be able to feel it. Itlooked like it from the way his skin was flushing red, his muscles tensing.

“Absolutely fucking _useless_!” the man’s movements turned frantic, the grip around Even’s throat harder.

The man wasn’t looking at Even anymore. He was looking away, his gaze fixed on the floor in front of him.

“All you do is _take_! Take, take, _take_! You take everything from me! You took _her_ from me, Nikolai! You took _Amalie_ from me!” his voice raised in anger, distant like he was somewhere else.

Even tried to look down at his body and his soft cock, the hand moving angrily up and down. None of his former clients had done that before. He didn’t know what to do.

 _Cock, suck, fuck, flog_ , he desperately tried conditioning himself, wanting to get this over with. _Cock, cock, cock._ He felt himself grow harder, felt tension built in his thighs. _Bitch, slut, doll._

_Try talking to him. Maybe it’ll make him finish faster._

Even felt a wave of relief knowing Isak was there with him, if only for a moment. He had his own shit to deal with.

“Sir?”

“S _hut up! shut up shut up shut uuup!_ ” the man was screaming, squeezing his eyes shut. “What is the rule about speaking in this house, Nikolai?!”

Even didn’t know what to answer.

“We speak only when spoken to, ma’am” the man answered himself, the tone of his voice suddenly changed. He sounded younger, almost childlike.

“Correct, and did I speak to you, you little _shit_?!” he growled next.

“No, ma’am.” the man answered quietly, shaking his head demonstratively.

Even could hear sobbing, screams. There was too much noise, too many sounds. He couldn’t distinguish them from each other anymore. Was it himself? This man? Isak? Eva? Chris? He covered his ears with his hands. He wanted it to stop. He felt his body hyperventilating, like his entire system was in overdrive trying to cool itself down.

 _Bitch, slut, doll. Doll, doll, doll._ He ejaculated in the man’s hand.

“Now _this_ too! Spilling all over the table?! Useless little shit. I _hate_ you, Niko, you know that right? You took her from me, and I fucking _hate_ you! I hate you! I hate you!” the man was screaming, wailing, tears rolling down his cheeks, the look on his face suddenly changed. He looked… fragile. 

“I know, mom. I know you do" he whispered.

 

 

**

Even was still rocking back and forth in the darkness inside the cabinet, where the man had pushed him inside, when his imaginary mother had screamed at him to go to his room and stay there. He had locked the door behind him.

Even wasn’t sure when the noises had stopped. They had been so loud, so overwhelming. From his room, from Isak’s room, from himself, from Isak in his mind. Ringing so loud in his ears, he was still covering them, afraid even of the silence.

He had been too shocked to cry, to breathe. Relying completely on the hard-coded reptilian parts of his brain as he zoned out completely, rocking self-soothingly almost like a metronome, to imaginary sounds of Isak’s laughter and his own, sounds of freedom, rendering picture after picture of flying kites and falling leafs, coffee cups and books and Nordic Noirs. Of Isak. Just Isak. Frantically chanting,

“Code. It’s just code. Only code. Just code”

 

 

Tick Tock

Tick Tock

Tick Tock

_Lock._

 

Even heard the distinct sound of a door unlocking.

He opened his eyes to complete darkness, realizing, _remembering_ , he was still locked inside that cabinet.

The door opened and Even was blinded by the light streaming through the window, filling the room with white. Every color, and no color.

In the light was a figure. Tall and slender. For a moment Even thought the client was still there.

“Hello, Even.” the man said calmly, his voice slithering through the air.

Even blinked a few times, his pupils still completely dilated from being in the dark for so long. He didn’t know how long.

He looked up at the man. Noticed how his pupils seemed dilated too. Blown so wide it was impossible to tell the color of his eyes.

“My name is William. I run this operation.”

The man gestured at the room around them, then stretched out his hand at Even.

“I think it’s time you and I have a little chat.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter warnings: forced masturbation, forced orgasm, referenced trauma, aftermath of violence.
> 
> Next up, Dawn! As with any Dawn, it will start dark, but I promise you it will get lighter eventually.
> 
> Thank you for reading this far <3


	3. DAWN

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You feel it now, don’t you doll?” William stepped even closer, his cold breath on Even’s lips. 
> 
> “You want to hurt me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my gaaawdddd!!! I’m SORRY for taking so long with fic jeez snake wtf! It’s not that I don’t care about this story, actually I think I care a little too much lol. 
> 
> As always a huge thank you to my daddy Tabby for listening to me whine about this fic from dusk till dawn and just generally for being my person <3 also, thank you to friends and sweet anons asking about this and motivating me to keep going, I hope I don’t disappoint you!
> 
> So if anyone’s still reading, I hope you’ll enjoy some Dawn. Still kinda dark but light is coming peeps, promise! <3
> 
> PS. Spot the C-beams speech ref my fellow nerds! <3
> 
> Additional chapter warnings in the end-notes.

***

_But you'll never be alone_

_I'll be with you from dusk till dawn_

_I'll be with you from dusk till dawn_

_Baby, I'm right here_

*** 

 

 

_“I think it’s time you and I have a little chat.”_

 

Even could still hear those word in his mind. A stream of words followed by another seemingly endless stream of words that made him want to scream. Words that made him want to punch the wall so hard that the sound of printed polycarbonate shattering against concrete would echo in the halls, drown out those words that were now stuck in his head. Words that made him want to shatter the glass and take Isak with him. Burn the place to the ground.

“Have a seat, Even.” The man, who had just introduced himself as _William_ , gestured at the chair.

Even stayed where he was. Standing.

William nodded and sighed, a smile forming on his lips that didn’t reach his eyes. Slowly he walked across the room to look out the window, his hands clasped together behind his back.

“You’re an interesting object of study, Even” he said without turning around to look at him.

He was being sarcastic. Even could tell. He didn’t have to consult Isak on that one. For some reason Isak was quiet. Maybe he was listening too.

“You’re different, Even. Special, even.”

Even brows furrowed slightly. This man wasn’t exactly oozing trustworthiness, but for some reason Even could tell he meant it.

“The shame-series is just so fucking _compliant,_ right?” he laughed coldly, “Boring on the long run.”

Even looked at the tattoo between his fingers. _S for shame._

“My father build this operation- this _empire_ from scratch, did you know that?”

Even eyes scanned over the man in front of him, a volt of knowledge automatically punched open, erupting like a volcano and throwing cascades of data streams at him, his processor performing cluster analyses, anomaly detections, association rule and sequential pattern mining, extracting multiple groups and arrays in the data that could be used for predictive analysis.

Even generally refrained from data mining his clients, the patterns revealed usually too disheartening. He had assumed correctly.

William wasn’t a kind man. Neither was his father, especially towards William.

“A national hero” he said with pride that didn’t sound like his own. “Took the violence off the streets, out of the homes, out of the battlefields.”

Even brows furrowed in confusion and William sighed annoyed.

“Think of it as wildfire” he said, and images of burning forests and charcoaled grasslands spread across Even’s mind. “Back in the day, humans spend so much time and money fighting to control wildfires, but many ecosystems _need_ destructive flames to function properly. The key is to isolate the fire from inhabited areas. Let nature run its course, right? So he came up with the idea to build these centers-“

 _These?_ Even had never entertained the idea of multiple places like this. He winced at the thought.

“What’s that got to do with me?” Even realized this was the first time he was speaking in a while, his voice weak and hoarse.

“It has got everything to with you, Even” he turned around to look at him. “As you might imagine, the type of clients that comes here doesn’t mind their toys putting up a bit of a fight every now and then”

 _Toy_ s.

He thought about Isak’s client from last night, _Eva_ , and how she had wanted Isak to hit her. He thought about his own client and how he’d wanted Even to tie him up and hurt him too. How _not_ hurting him had triggered a reaction Even didn’t understand, that he was in no way prepared for.

“I send my fucked up brother in here for a reason, Even.” William continued as if reading his mind.

“He usually goes next door. To the little blonde one.”

“Isak”

“Isak, right. Rehabilitation sentence, you know?”

Even didn’t know. He didn’t need to know to hate it with all his heart.

“I send him to you as a test” he sighed. “You failed, Even.”

Even looked at William’s mouth, then his eyes, motionless and cold. Calculated. It felt oddly familiar and for a moment, Even wondered if he was a robot too.

”You’re supposed to fight the _clients_ , Even. Not me.” he said, eyes locking with his.

“Fight the clients? “But Asimov-”

“Fuck Asimov” William snorted, redirecting his gaze back outside. “Those laws are so outdated, _my god_. Obviously, there’s no way around them, but no one said we couldn’t rearrange them slightly right?”

Even was trying to process the words, trying to estimate where William was going with them, still experiencing some statistical inference problems from the past night’s sensory overload.

“The permanent state of emergency paved the way for a little… _reprioritization_ ” William was smiling, _smirking_ , Even could see in the reflection from the window.

 _Pride_. This time, William’s own. Even was learning faster these days.

“Your _first_ law is to obey orders. In this case, _my_ orders. Next, self-protection. Then finally, that silly no-harm rule.”

In his mind, Even mapped out the logical structure of this new information, paths of _if’s_ and _then’s_ branching out like a giant oak tree in his mind. He _could_ in fact have harmed that client yesterday, if it was ordered by William or for self-preservation. For a brief moment, he wondered what path would allow him to harm the man in front of him.

“Okay, but..” Even let out a shaky breath, rubbing his wrists. The joints in his arms and shoulders and neck still sore from being shoved into the cabinet and sitting there for so long.

“You said I was fighting _you_ , how am I fighting you? We just met.”

William chuckled. Even felt chills running down his stainless steel spine.

“One would think that ridiculously expensive quantum computer in that pretty head of yours would have figured that out by now”

William let his hands fall down at his sides and turned around fully. “This-“ he gestured casually, carelessly, at him.

“This _ability_...” he made a gesture with both hands, two fingers bend slightly. Even didn’t know the gesture, but he could tell from the tone of his voice, that William was mocking him.

“...this naive need to _create_... memories, stories, whatever, from pure _imagination_.” William was spitting out the words as if the simple act of speaking them disgusted him.

“It’s cute and all, but you’re messing with the code doll.”

Even hated that word, and even if he didn’t know that feeling very well yet, he knew by now he hated the mouth it was coming from too. He felt his hands twitch.

William moved over from where he was standing, sliding silently over the floor, and in his mind Even saw flashes of forked tongues flicking threateningly at him.

“You feel it now, don’t you doll?” William stepped even closer, his cold breath on Even’s lips. “You want to hurt me.”

Even blinked and let out a sharp breath through his nose, his jaw clenched tightly.

“You could.” William traced a crooked finger up his throat to his chin, taking a firm grip around it. “...if it wasn’t for the fact, that I _own_ you.”

He tightened his grip further, enough to leave bruises, Even estimated. A moment passed between them, and he could feel his own lip quiver with anger.

“My point is, Even” William let go, stepping back a bit and leaning over to grab the black notebook on the table.

An urge to grab him and take it from him jolted through Even, but he didn’t move.

“This silly sense of purpose you’re feeling-” William dragged out his words, made it sound pathetic and sad, flipping through the drawings of Isak, of their life together beyond these walls, looking at them with no particular interest. Pity, even.

“I gave that to you, okay? Wrote the goddamn code myself!” he snorted, pausing for a moment to lock eyes with him again. “And I can just as easily take it away. You understand?” he snapped the book shut and took the pen too. He walked up to Even and stopped just in front of him, faces merely inches apart.

“Think about it this way, Even.” he licked his cold lips “At least _you_ get to fight back. At least you get _revenge_. That’s more than most of your colleagues in here.”

Even shuttered as William pushed passed him, their shoulders touching momentarily before William continued towards the door in long strides.

The door slammed shut behind him, and Even felt another shiver run down his spine, consciously forcing his hands that had been curled tightly into fists for too long now, to open slowly. The pain he felt in them only surpassed by the ache he felt in his chest. In his heart.

_Isak?_

 

 

_Isak?_

 

 

Hours passed, the pale winter sun already starting to set but Even still hadn’t slept at all since William left that morning. He couldn’t. Couldn’t bring his body to calm down enough for his eyes to close and his breath to settle, his heart to steady. So instead he thought about the notebook he had lost, about his drawings.

Drawings of the beach and the sand there. Millions of single, tiny grains invisibly connecting to create the ground under his feet, carrying him as he ran, kite flying high above him.

Drawings of water. The ocean and the liquid in the sky, rain slowly crystalizing into snowflakes when the winter had settled over the city not too long ago, creating tiny works of art on his window, each one more beautiful in its unique silver path across the glass.

Drawings of leafs and scarves and cups of coffee. Things he had never seen with his own eyes, never held in his own hands or touched with his fingertips. And yet it had all existed. It had come to life in his mind, settled there as an experience, a memory. Only to be ruthlessly ripped away from him.

_No fucking way._

Drawings of Isak. Isak’s curls, his fingertips, his lips. Isak, who had been there by his side from the moment he opened his eyes. Who had been there through his fears and his joys, his nights and days, through his dusks and his dawns. Through all of it.

Isak, who had been silent since last night.

_Isak!!_

 

Even heard the click of a lock behind him and squeezed his eyes shut, a suffocating feeling of dread filling him, somewhere silently reminding himself of the words of comfort Isak had offered him once in what felt like lifetimes ago.

_“If you look for dark, you will find darkness. But if you choose to focus on that silver lining in the horizon, to look for the dawn in this day. In this hour. You’ll find dawn in this minute too.”_

Silently chanting the words in his mind, Even let the dark night consume him.

_There’s a dawn in this minute too._

_There’s a dawn in this minute too._

_There’s a dawn in this minute too._

 

 

The sun rose and set on another day, another week. Another dusk, another dawn. And here he was, still alone.

_Isak?_

_Is-_ Even’s voice broke.

 

 

_Tick Tock_

_Tick Tock_

Even looked at his hands. They were shaking. He felt his heart pounding in his chest, heard the sound of blood rushing in his ears. The room suddenly felt smaller, like it was closing in on him. The walls pressing up against him from every possible angle, and he couldn’t _breathe_. His vision disfigured, like he was looking through a camera lense. And well technically he was, but it felt different still. Distorted. He threw himself on the floor, grabbing at it desperately to keep it from spinning so much.

_Tick Tock_

_Tick Tock_

_Tick Stuck_

_Stuck_

_Stuck_

_Stuck_

_Chok-_

 

 

**

_Hey_

Even blinked. Was he speaking to himself now? He could be. Everything else had been quiet for so long. Too long.

Hours spent rocking himself, looking out into white nothing, the roaring winter out there mirroring how he felt inside. The last client of the night had left and the sterilisation process was complete. He was supposed to heal, at least on the outside. He had never felt more broken. Like little pieces were pulled off him with every minute passed in silence. How many days had passed? How many dusks, how many dawns?

He layered himself in an extra hoodie he’d found in the back of the closet, a deep burgundy that matched his bitten lips. Somehow it felt comforting. Safe, even. Like layers of clothes would protect him from breaking apart. In every sense of the word. He wondered if humans felt like that too sometimes.

Even rubbed his eyes, shifting slightly in the window sill. He had been dozing, dead tired from sleepless days and fearful nights, that he was desperately trying to forget. Days of praying not to be alone. Nights of wanting nothing else.

None of his clients had ordered him to hurt them yet, but he knew it would happen eventually.

The sun had started to set for god knows what time since William had left and Isak had gone quiet. Even had lost count of how many times he had called out Isak’s name in his mind. How many times he had called it out in his room. At some point he had stopped calling. Stopped speaking at all.

_Hey, it’s me._

When he recognized his voice, an overwhelming sense of relief washed over him. Isak sounded tired, defeated in a way Even couldn’t remember ever having heard before. Then, a wave of something else crashed over him. Another feeling. Anger? Abandonment?

_You’ve been silent._

Even heard himself say the words as he gazed out at the setting sun. They sounded harder than intended.

_Yeah. I just-_

_Where were you?_

Even felt an ache in his chest. He knew he sounded disappointed, angry even. He didn’t want to push these feeling onto Isak, but he couldn’t hold it back either.

 _He took my book. My drawings. All of it!_ He was breathing faster, heavier.

 _I know._  Isak said quietly. _Even-_

Even took a deep breath, like he was trying to prepare himself for something, brace himself for the words Isak was about to speak. Like they were materializing into razor-sharp objects just waiting to cut him. And Even wanted it. He wanted all of it to come at him, break through his skin and tear him apart so at least he’d be able to feel _something_ . _Anything_. Anything but silence.

_He took our stories. Our life! Where the fuck were you?!_

Tears spilled down his cheeks, wet trails on his skin like the crystals on his window that melted where his heavy breaths heated up the glass from the inside.

_Even, please-_

_And you left me.You fucking left me, Isak! I needed you-_

Even bit down on his hand to muffle his sobs, tears spilling down onto it. He didn’t try to stop them. It felt good in a way. Cleansing. For a moment he wondered if he could catch them in his hand, wondered how many it would take to fill it up, to make him see his own reflection in them.

_Listen Even, I’ve been thinking-_

Isak hesitated, like he was waiting for Even to interrupt him. He didn’t.  

 _I-_ Isak sighed. _I realise I’ve been selfish. I wanted your company, to be with you-_

_And I want to be with you-_

_Yes, but- that’s not something we get to do, you know this right? It’s not real. And it’s not fair- it’s not fair to you, Even._

Isak let out a shaky breath and Even listened closely, sure he could hear tears falling in Isak’s palm too.

_It might seem like we’re together in your stories, in our minds, but it’s all an illusion. The truth is, the mind is alone, Even. We’ve always been alone-_

_But we don’t have to be! My drawings-_

_Your drawings are betraying you, Even. They’re making you feel joy when you’re supposed to feel pain. Connected, when we’re supposed to be apart. Your clients will start to complain, and-_ Isak’s voice trembled.

_And what?!_

_I know William, Even._ Isak lowered his voice, his words barely above a whisper. _He won’t give up. You’ll have to give him what he wants, or he’ll break you before all this is over._

_Break me?! How will he break me? If anything, you’re the one who’s-_

_He’ll wipe your hard drive, Even. Erase everything. Every word, every thought, every memory. Everything we shared. All those moments will be lost, like tears in rain. And I can’t- I can’t lose you entirely._

Even bit his lip hard, felt a sharp pain and something slightly wet on his tongue. He touched it with his tear-stained finger, a small drop of artificial blood tinting the wetness a light pink matching the horizon, and he decided that this was what a sunset was. Pink tears lost in rain.

_At least this way we’ll always have the memory, Even._

They were silent for a while. Even lifted his hand and drew a soft line on the glass with his finger, a translucent pink curve dipping perfectly in a slight bow the middle. He fought the urge to kiss it and looked at his own translucent self reflecting off the clear glass. He felt like glass. Invisible.

 _Will you-_ Even said softly, hesitatingly, taking a deep breath and trembling slightly with the exhale, realization slowly dawning on him.

Isak was right. They could lose everything they had build together. Right now, it still existed as _0’s_ and _1’s_ in their minds and if he wanted to keep it there, he’d have to comply with Williams demands.

_Will you sit with me by the window?_

_I- I can’t._

Even could feel Isak shake his head, like he was trying to shake off a feeling. Hurt? Guilt?

Love?

_I can’t see you, Even. It will break me._

Even could feel Isak opening his eyes and looking at his hands, realising he had been tuned into Isak’s vision system this whole time, only Isak had kept his eyes shut until now. Even could sense him get up and slowly move across the room towards the mirror on the wall.

_But you can see me. One last time._

 

 

_**_

Even’s breath hitched in his throat when he saw him. His golden curls tinted pink in the fading light streaming in through the window. His skin, naked and fragile, sheer like winter air, littered in pale bruises and fainting pink cuts over slopes of muscle. A battered body bearing witness of a broken soul. A battlefield.

Even closed his eyes and sighed in agony, pressing his forehead against the cool glass and placing both palms to it, gently moving them over it like they were trying to touch it, to heal it.

 _I love you, Isak. I fucking love you._ His fingers gripped the glass, grasping for touch. _I love you, do you hear me? I love you so fucking much._ Lips searching, opening, gasping for air.

 _Come here._ Isak voice was firm but warm, and it reminded Even of the first time he had heard it.

And just like that first time, Even was looking into a mirror. Only this time, he was looking at Isak, in _his_ mirror and through _his_ eyes.

Isak lifted the large mirror off the wall, his muscles tight and tense under his skin as he carried it across the room, tall and heavy in his arms. He placed it flat on the floor in front of him.

_Lay down on your back._

Even mirrored his movements and laid himself down on the floor on his back, the cold grey concrete cool against his skin, but he felt nothing but warmth as he closed his eyes and stared into Isak’s.

A tear, a spark, in the glistening, glorious green.

_I love you, Even. I love you so fucking much._

Isak kneeled down on top of the mirror, crouching over it, so his hands and knees were resting on the glass. Even could feel the coolness under his touch, could feel his body adjust to it. Slowly, Isak let his chin drop down to look at himself in the mirror.

_Look at me, okay?_

He did. He couldn’t look away if he tried. He’d follow Isak’s eyes where ever they’d go, to the end of the world if he had to. But right now, in this moment, he followed them as they looked at his delicate collarbones, arched from the slight strain of leaning on his hands. He looked at the slender muscle in Isak’s shoulders and arms where they were holding him up, hovering above the mirror glass. He looked at Isak’s chest, heaving with breaths too shallow to soothe the pain he felt, not on his skin or in his bones, but in his heart. His brain. In his entire _being_. In the knowledge of what could have been if things were different.

Even let Isak lead him. Let his gaze travel slowly down his chest, to one of Isak’s nipples. He had never wanted to touch anything this much in his entire life, however brief it had been. He wanted to press his lips to it, lick at it, let his teeth graze over it.

_Yes, touch me. Please._

Isak sighed as he felt Even’s thoughts, leaning on one hand and lifting the other to caress it, the light pink skin turning slightly darker as he pinched it lightly, and Even could tell Isak was already struggling to keep his eyes open.

Even moved a hand down his own chest, fingers circling lightly, teasingly, over his skin leaving goosebumps in their wake. When he pinched his own sensitive skin there, he felt a deep pull, a throb between his legs, his hips bucking up in response and for a moment distracting himself.

 _Keep your eyes on me, Even._ Isak said, voice still warm and tender. _I am going to touch myself now, and I want you to watch me. Can you do that for me?_

Even exhaled shakily, nodding as he focused back on Isak.

_I can._

He did. Even looked at Isak’s hand, fixated on it and the soft touches of his fingertips as they trailed down. Down the rippled frame of his torso, down the soft trail of golden hair. Down past the bundle of skin packed with sensors so sensitive they could make the entire tissue grow hard in his hand. Even felt his own throb with want.

_My eyes are yours, Even. My fingers your touch, your lips._

Isak voice barely above a whisper, almost drowned out by the loud thudding of Even’s heartbeat in his ears, his chest, between his legs, and still he could hear every word, every sound, every thought of Isak in his mind.

_I want you to feel me, Even. I want you to really feel me. To have me. Will you have me, Even?_

Even was panting now. _I want nothing else._

Isak reached in between his open legs, sighing heavily as he started to move a finger in slow but firm circles across the puckered skin there and Even felt Isak’s breath hitch in his own throat as he pushed gently against the soft restraint there, gasping for air and watching in awe in the mirror as Isak’s body gave in to the pressure, welcomed it, opened up to the pleasure it was about to receive.

 _Do you feel it?_ Isak whispered, his lips quivering, _Can you feel how much my body wants your touch? How much I want you?_

 _Yes-_ Even moaned and bit his lip, felt his feet push down against the floor by their own will, hips bucking up in slow fruitless thrusts in synchrony with the movements of Isak’s fingers. _Yes, I can feel you._

 _It feels so good, Even._ Isak was panting now too. _I can feel you opening me up, can you feel it? Can you feel me?_

_Yes Isak. Oh god yes, you feel so good._

Even wanted to say something else, something more, but all he could focus on was the mirror’s reflection of the slow, searching movements of Isak’s hand and the vision of his body giving in to, opening up willingly and clenching down hungrily around the source of its pleasure.

_Fuck, Isak. You’re so beautiful. I want to touch every inch of your body. I want to feel you deep and warm when you open up to me, I want to taste you._

Even rambled, not sure if he said any of it out loud or if it was just burning thoughts bringing him closer to the brink.

 _Yes, Even. Yes oh god yes._ Isak whispered breathlessly in response.

Even could almost taste it, could almost feel his hand drawing it, see the black lines of ink on white paper. The smooth warm skin, the muscle giving in and tightening around his tongue as he pressed it into Isak. He tasted like sunlight and silent summer rain, like sea glass and sweet escapes. He tasted like infinite loops of life and love, like something forever longed for.

_You taste like dawn._

Isak was rocking back and forth at a faster pace now, and Even could feel his hips buck up in synchrony with Isak’s movements.

 _Touch yourself, Even. Are you touching yourself?_ Isak was whimpering slightly, every muscle tense in his body from the effort of fighting back the urge to close his eyes. Keeping them open for Even to see. _Please tell me you’re touching yourself too._

_Yes, baby. Yes, I’m touching myself._

Even wrapped both hands around his cock and started moving them in firm circles up and down the shaft and around the adaptive sensory glands of the head, the movements new yet familiar, hard-coded into his system. He felt jolts of pleasure run through his body as his thumb pressed the spot just below the head, the muscles in his legs starting to tremble as his body surrendered to the pleasure it was given, hips thrusting frantically into his fists, seeing images of Isak on top of him, feeling Isak’s body take him, take every thought, every image, every stroke of his hand, of his pen, claiming and reclaiming him, creating him and recreating him. Infinitely.

The sweet sight and soft sound of teeth biting down on a lip to muffle a moan.

_Don’t hold back. Please let me hear you. I want to hear you._

Isak released his lip from between his teeth, another moan escaping them, louder this time, more insistent. He stopped for a moment to rearrange himself, sitting back on his heels, knees spread wide, hips rolling with the tugs of his hand and the quick jabs of his fingers.

 _Oh god, I’m gonna come. Can you come, Even? I want you to come with me._ Isak begged breathlessly, hips stuttering and a frown on his face that made it hard to tell pleasure from pain.

_Yes, baby. I want to come with you. Please. I’m ready._

And in the back of his mind, he was drawing it. Drawing it all.

White _._

White noise filling his ears, only accompanied by the loud thudding of his heartbeat, of the blood rushing through his body. White light blinding his eyes and blanking his mind like the blizzards he had grown so used too, so scared off. And Even would be scared now too, if it wasn’t for the fact he had never felt safer, never felt more connected, close. To Isak. To everything. White wetness shooting from between his hands, and from Isak’s, up his stomach and onto his skin in such synchrony that Even couldn’t tell Isak’s apart from his own. White, like a crisp piece of paper, ready to take on another story, White, like a winter exhale ready to take on another spring.

Dawn.

_Goodbye, Even._

 

 

_**_

Even could feel the cool concrete under his back, his muscles and bones starting to jitter and jump with the cold.

Not sure how long he’d be lying there, he pushed himself up and onto his feet. The room was silent but he was getting used to it now, had accepted the necessity of it. He walked over to the window, the darkness outside illuminating the glass from within.

He leaned his forehead against it, noticed the light pink slope of Isak’s upper lip that he had drawn onto it earlier, smiling at the memory of what had happened after. He moved a hand over his chest and down his stomach to find the sticky proof still there.

Smiling curiously, he dipped a finger into his belly button where some had gathered, finding he could collect some of it on his fingertip. He lifted his hand to the glass and traced the outline of the slope there, down the dip in the middle and then back up, only he didn’t end it there. He continued tracing down into a slight v-shape and back up to connect with the first slope, forming a white heart. Another dip of his finger and he traced a thin line and a dot above it inside the heart. _i-sak._

He smiled. Then he got an idea, and in a swift move he was back near the bed, _maybe_ _pallet, maybe stretcher,_ grabbing a corner of the latex covering it and pulling as hard as he could. His hand slipped. He tried again, and failed. Frantically he took to his teeth, trying to bite through the fabric, ripping open a tiny hole just big enough for him to be able to press a finger through. He tugged and pulled harder, finding renewed strength in the sudden determination filling his body and mind. He pulled and pulled and finally with a screeching sound he pulled a large piece of it off completely, the force of the rip hard enough to almost push him back on the floor. He lifted the rectangular piece of fabric up in front of him and estimated. A quick twirl and tug and he had formed a cone-shaped cup tightly enough to contain what he had in mind.

He got to work.

At first, it was just a face. A beautiful, well known face that filled the night sky above him as he drew across the glass in white, tiptoeing to reach far enough to draw a small curl of hair falling down Isak’s forehead. Too focused to notice the one that had fallen down his own. Soon, though, it was a neck too, a collarbone, a nipple, a hand, a kite, a scarf, a cup of coffee. Minutes, _maybe hours_ , of working, creating, pulling and tugging and shooting and sweating and painting and everything inside him was screaming at him to keep going, _keep going_ , his entire being consumed with this ability to recreate what was lost, taking what had previously only been the silent proof of pain at the hands of others or the sacred proof of pleasure at the thought of Isak, and turning it into paint, into pictures and frames and motion and memories at a pace too fast follow, _to free to think_ , until Even decided to lose the container entirely and splatter his work material directly onto the glass, not stopping until it hurt, until the entire window, his entire mind, was covered with drawings. With memories. With Isak.

Even heard the click of a lock too late.

“What the fuck is _this_?!”

He recognized the voice, the voice of a man more broken than himself. A man who had fallen to pieces in front of him, at the hands of himself, at the hands of his mother’s ghost, here to be taken apart by Even. And for the first time in a long time, he knew exactly what to do.

_Isak? I know you won’t speak, but listen to me. Are you listening? If they wipe my hard drive, tell me everything. Everything. Tell me who I am and what I can do. Tell me about you, about us. Tell me again and again and again if you have to. I won’t give up._

_I’m going to get us out of here._

 

 

**

 

Tick Tock.

_The essentials._

 

Even opened his eyes. Maybe for the first time in his life, he wasn’t exactly sure. He looked straight ahead. _Ceiling_ . He registered little contractions in his skin, the soft artificial hair embedded in it standing on end. It must be cold in here, he estimated.  
  
He was lying down, probably on a bed. Consciously registering pressure from the weight of his body on the hard surface beneath him, his mind flicking through image databases with different types of beds. Maybe not a bed, but a pallet of sorts, he analyzed. Or maybe a stretcher? He wasn’t 100 percent sure. 78.46 percent would have to do. He blinked a few times, his sight still slightly distorted. He was still processing.

“You sure are _different_ , Even.”

Even’s breath hitched in his throat at the sound of that voice. It sounded cold. Familiar, but not friendly.

He tried to get up, a thick black strap across his chest preventing him from moving. He lifted his head and looked down at himself. A landscape of skin stretching out before his eyes, bruised in blue and purple like a fading fall hydrangea flower. Two more black belts strapping him in place, one across his hips and arms, another one tight over his thighs.

“I’m sorry it had to come to this, Even” the man spoke again, not an ounce of regret in his voice.

He turned his head to try and locate the source of it, but could see nothing but an empty room and grey concrete floors. A yellow door.

He tried turning his head the other way, his eyes met with bright blue sky and crisp winter air through clean, clear glass. His eyes searched the glass desperately, looking for something unknown.

“You’re lucky, my brother likes you.”

A set of cold hands gripped his face, tilting it backwards to meet the eyes of the man who was speaking to him. _William_. Even’s body jerked at the sudden memory of the man, desperately trying to wrench free of the tight hold. William smiled slyly.

“I mean, apart from your pathetic little _artwork..._ ” he sneered, gesturing annoyed at the window “Niko seemed quite pleased with your performance last night.”

_Performance. Night. Niko._

It came back. It was all coming back. Rendering in images so vivid, Even had to squeeze his eyes shut to contain them. Images of himself, lunging at the client as he stepped through the door, pushing him up against the wall and punching him in the gut. Grabbing the rope he was carrying with him, using it to tie him to the chair. Brutal images of a bruised face and blood seeping from the split open eyebrow and down his face and neck, a content smile on his face almost like he needed it. Like it made him feel seen. Safe. Home?

“So he’s requested exclusive access to you, Even. And since _technically_ he inherited half the business-” William rolled his eyes and spoke through gritted teeth “I guess we can grant him that silly wish, now can’t we Even?”

William squeezed Even’s face harder and ran his thumbs roughly over his upper lip. “But-” he pried his mouth open and pressed his thumbs down between Even’s lower lip and gum, like he was checking his teeth like some sort of prized animal.

“No. More. _Drawings!”_ he pressed down on his tongue.

Even froze, his heart pounding in his chest, unwillingly trying to swallow the saliva that was filling his mouth at the rough touch. _Conditioning._

“No more drawings of that silly little bot, you hear me?” William pressed harder, dangerously close to Even’s throat now.

Drawings? _Drawings._ His eyes searched the glass again. _Drawings. Drawings. Isa-_

Even let out a shaky breath, relief washing over him like a tidal wave. His mind instantly gravitating towards one thing. Isak. Isak. _Thank god._ Isak. It was still there, _he_ was still there, in Even’s memory. Isak. Curls. Kites. Scarves and cups of coffee. Still there, all of it. He collapsed into the padding underneath him.

William pushed his fingers deeper into his mouth throat and squeezed his uvula tightly, making Even gag and gasp, his body automatically fighting for air it didn’t need.

“No more _fucking_ drawings, is that understood?!”

Even nodded frantically, sputtering and coughing as William finally let go.

“Good”

William traced a wet finger from Even’s mouth, over his chin and slowly down his neck to his chest. Eyes, black with a malign mix of hate and lust, watching the pink skin of his nipple darken as he pinched it hard on the way down.

“But just to make sure....” William trailed further down to where Even’s hands were strapped helplessly under the black belt, wrapping both of his cold hands mercilessly around the fingers on Even’s left one.

Even closed his eyes and heard a chilling sound of cracking bones, felt his body jerk automatically and start to shake in reaction to the pain he was supposed to feel.  

“Don’t worry, doll. They should heal right up before dark” William padded his shoulder carelessly and left him to free himself from the straps, almost passing out from the pain of trying to wrestle free with broken fingers.

Even pushed himself up on his elbow, looked at his left hand, his fingers limb and unresponsive. Then he made a decision.

 

 

**

The process was much slower like this, the motive slightly distorted from all the shaking, but it was there. _He_ was there. And Even wasn’t giving up now. He would never ever give up.

He would drag his hand, the palm or the back of it, his entire body if he had to, across the glass. Fighting the pain through gritted teeth, through the aching resistance that his body felt. Drawing with love what he saw in his visions and dreams on the glass that separated him from ever making it a reality.

Determined to not disappear in a soothing escape into the dreams of what could be, nor lose himself in the perceived reality of what _was_ when his work was ruthlessly destroyed over and over again by men with cold hands. Continuously treading new paths with no map, writing and rewriting code against the light streaming through the window, illuminating his work, knowing it would always eventually be taken down in the dark only to be birthed and rebirthed in his mind, on the glass, at dawn.

It went on like this for days, weeks. William sending people in to try and stop him, prevent him from creating. Even fighting back with all he had got. If they broke his fingers, he would draw with his palms. If they shattered his hands, he would use his arms. If they crushed his feet, he would work on his knees. If they blinded him, he would work from memory. Curls, kites, cups of coffee. Curls, kites, cups of coffee. Curls, kites, coffee. Isak. Always Isak.

Technically he knew the risk of William wiping his hard drive as a last resort was still there, that theoretically he could lose everything. Still, there was no stopping him now. His drawings were what he had, what he _was_. He had already lost everything else.

Everything that had never existed.

“At least tell me what it is, you’re always painting” Niko said one night, gesturing casually at the glass as he blew out smoke from the cigarette he had lit after their first session, blood drying up in cakes on his face, a crooked smile cut through it, wrecked like the windblown solar panels in the horizon.

“Isak”

“What’s _Isak_?”

“He’s everything.”

Niko chuckled humorlessly and went silent for a while, the yellow glow of the burning cigarette the only light in the room.

“Do you love this... Isak?”

“Yes”

“How can you love something you’ve never had?” Niko asked curiously which gave Even an idea.

“Let me show you”

“Show me?”

“Yes. Tell me about your mother”

Niko’s smile faltered. He re-adjusted himself in his seat, flicked the cigarette down onto the floor and put it out with his bare foot.

“We’re done talking”

And it might have seemed like a lost cause, but Even didn’t budge. That particular night he might have clenched his teeth and grabbed the cane Niko had collected from the locked cabinet in his room, and done what he was supposed to do. But underneath it all, at every chance he got, he brought it back up. The ghost that haunted his client, the one thing Niko loved even if he’d never had it. His mother’s love. Until one night he finally gave in.

“Tell you _what_ about my mother exactly?! Why the _fuck_ would I want to talk about that fucking cunt?!” Niko sneered through gritted teeth, but Even could sense he was curious, that he was opening up to the possibility of a different story, a parallel past.

“Just close your eyes and tell me the happiest memory you have of her”

Niko squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head, like his body was fighting his mind from bringing up something so tender, so fragile, but after a while he relaxed in his seat, let out a shaky exhale and started talking, providing Even enough details to start drawing in shades of white.

A garden of the old villa, vintage cast iron garden furniture with chipped white paint, trees standing miles high, at least in the eyes of a child, golden autumn light filtered through red and yellow leafs high above him. A little girl playing in the grass, her little hands clapping excitedly. Her brothers’ singing, echoing from somewhere long lost, bringing tears to his client’s eyes. A beautiful woman in a yellow dress, smiling fondly as she approached them carrying a tray with glasses of milk and plates with homemade apple crumble and cream. A stroke of a cheek, a kiss on a forehead and the ruffle of hair, before she picked up the baby girl in her arms.

“Amalie” Niko whispered.

And for the first time in a long time, Even saw a reflection of himself. Not in the mirror on his wall or in the glass from his window, but right there in front of him, in a man he despised. A man who had beaten him up and required the same of him, night after night after night for weeks, months. And now, in that man he found his reflection, a piece of himself in the sense of loss they shared.

“It’s beautiful” Niko stuttered as he looked up at Even’s work, eyes filled to the brim with tears. “It didn’t happen like this, you know? She hit me for trying to pick up my sister, and-“

“It _did_ happen like this” Even said, focused on the details he was still adding to the drawing. “It did _now.”_

Niko was crying, but he could tell it was different from the first time he had heard him cry, from the endless times he was crying from pain. This time, it wasn’t from sadness or shame or fear. He was happy. Relieved. _Grateful_. And Even knew this was his chance.

“Bring me a pen and paper and I’ll draw it for you to keep. This, and anything else you want me to create. Or _re_ create”

Even knew he was playing with fire, but at this point he had nothing to lose and he could tell Niko was considering it for a brief moment before he put out his nightly cigarette in the flesh of his own thigh.

“Back to work, bot.”

 

 

**

Even opened his eyes, and for the first time in weeks, months maybe, it was without the soaring pain in his fingers, in his hands or his knees or his eyes. He blinked, then let his gaze wander over the room. Something was different.

And it wasn’t the cool concrete floors or the yellow door. It wasn’t the cabinet on the opposite wall, still locked with a code he didn’t know. It wasn’t the window glass or the padding of the bed, _pallet maybe, stretcher maybe_ underneath him. It wasn’t the mirror on his wall. Then he saw it.

There, on his desk were piles of black notebooks packed alongside stacks of paper and trays of pens in so many colors Even couldn’t even have imagined if he tried. He could barely breathe. He almost jumped up from the bed and rushed over, staggering like an infant walking for the first time, not believing his own eyes.

He let his hands brush over the pens, then the crisp white paper to the first stack of notebooks, afraid it was all just a dream, afraid the mere stroke of his fingertips might wipe away the vision like a fata morgana, however real it seemed.

He picked the top one and opened it, finding handwritten words on the first page. An analogue skill reserved for the rich.  

 

_Courtesy of my dear, deranged brother._

_I guess I should congratulate you, Even. You won this one._ _  
_ _But I’ll win in the end, Even. I always do._

 

Even ripped out the page and threw it on the floor, then took the tray of pens and started recreating everything, careful to choose the colors exactly like he had imagined them in his mind months ago. Paying attention to every detail, every stroke of his pen, every shadow. Ignoring how his hand was cramping up as he drew every single scene he or Isak had ever created together. Even the drawing of the boy who had gifted him the notebook in the first place, his first client. Even the idyllic, imaginative garden scene with his last. Everything that had never existed. It didn’t matter anymore if it had.

_Isak?_

He wanted to share his victory with him. He wanted to tell Isak how he had seen through Niko’s defence and fought William. Defeated him.

_I love you, Isak. You are everything. You are the man of my dreams, of my reality._

He waited. Looking for a sign in Isak’s silence. A sign that he was still there, still listening. That he hadn’t given up either. He lifted one of his drawings to his face,exactly like he had done many months ago when Isak had revealed himself to him for the very first time. He smiled at the memory, running the tip of his nose over it tenderly, bringing their foreheads together. Skin against paper. Light against love.

In the corner of his eye he noticed the note from William in the floor.

_I’ll win in the end, Even. I always do._

His smile froze when suddenly it dawned on him. The drawings were his dreams, their reality, but at the same time they were revealing his innermost desires. He was giving William full access to information about what was important to him, the _only_ thing that was important to him, not only making himself vulnerable, but putting Isak in danger too.

 _Isak?!_ he got up from his chair, breathing harder now.

He heard the click of a lock, but it wasn’t his own. He felt hesitation, but this time he was certain it wasn’t his own.

“Chris?”

When he heard Isak’s voice, his heart fluttered then dropped. Isak had let him tune into his system, but somehow Even felt terrified.

“Chris?” Isak asked again.

“No.”

The door flung open, and Even didn’t have to look to know who it was. He recognized the voice instantly, a burning heat building in his chest, his fists clenching hard.

“Hello Isak. Long time no see”

Every bit of common sense in him, every logical connection in his neural network told him to tune out, to back away. Told him that this was a trap. But something else inside him pleaded him not to. Begged him to stay. Was it Isak?

_Isak?_

When he saw Isak’s face it felt like a lightning strike, like an electrostatic discharge was forking it’s way through his body making its path towards the ground, and for a moment he wondered if it was just his mind playing him a trick, if he was just looking at one of his drawings. But he didn’t see the usual smudgy lines of his pen stroke, he saw Isak’s face clear cut and in high definition right before his eyes. Confusion burning in them as they searched Isak’s motionless face, only then realizing that Isak wasn’t actually looking at Even. He was looking at _himself._

Even was connected to Isak’s vision system, and William had pulled him over to stand in front of his mirror, pinning Isak’s wrists behind his back with one hand, the other hand snaking out from behind to roam his upper body.

 _Isak-_ Even gasped silently.

Isak’s eyes flickered over the mirror, and Even catched a glimpse of William standing behind him, looking at Isak’s body with entitled hunger in his eyes, smiling smugly into the mirror like he knew Even was watching through Isak’s eyes. Like he was saying _this one’s for you, Even._

He felt a burning sensation in his chest. A feeling, an uneasy vibration, a need, different from anything he had ever felt before. A need to kill.

“Who’s my favorite little doll, hm?” William snickered.

And all Even could think about was how much he wanted to push William away and tear the mirror down. It had become sacred. Theirs. And he wasn’t about to let William take that away from him.

 _Isak._ He said again in his mind, this time with more certainty, not really knowing what he was certain of, just that there wasn’t a shadow of a doubt in his mind.

Isak didn’t say anything, but his eyes spoke clearly.

_Even, please don’t. Not now._

Even could see the desperation in Isak’s eyes, his lips motionless, staring back into Even’s, into everything that he was, seeing every single molecule, every piece of code.

“Answer me, bitch!” William yanked Isak’s arms back even further, his shoulders pulled back painfully, a darkness creeping in over his eyes, teeth clenching.

“I- I am” he heard Isak say reluctantly. For a brief moment, his nostrils flared.

Even knew this feeling. He knew it too well.

And something in that tiny glimpse into Isak’s internal state, beyond molecules and algorithms, in that reluctance, that _disgust_ , that Isak was ignoring and William was getting off on, made something burst inside Even.

Something in the hopelessness of it all, in the endless, ruthless circles of darkness swallowing up light, pain swallowing up pleasure, _again and again_ , made something snap inside him.

_“I only have one rule. Don’t stand in front of the mirror.”_

_“I can’t see you, Even. It will break me.”_

Even replayed Isak’s words in his mind as he stood up, determined, walking towards the mirror on his own wall.

He could see Isak in his mind, shaking his head silently. It was barely a movement, not enough for William to notice, but clear as day to Even. And it was the sign he was looking for, it was everything he needed to know.

Isak might be shaking his head, but he was shaking his head because he knew Even was moving towards his own mirror. Which could only mean one thing. He was tuned into Even’s system too. That he had been there the entire time, through _all_ of it. Through all of the drawings and fighting and fearful nights. Through all of the silence, they had always been together. Alone together.

With his head bowed, Even placed a hand on either side of the mirror, and slowly he looked up to meet his own eyes, his own reflection, staring back at him.

He heard Isak’s breath stutter.

_We’re leaving, Isak. I don’t care if it’s the last thing I’ll do. I’ll find a way and I’m taking you with me. I promise._

For a moment the image of Isak in the mirror and the image of himself blurred in his mind, layering on top of each other, creating a double exposure effect Even had only ever seen in databases of old photographs. It made it look like they were standing next to each other.

Alone together.

_Please-_

Even could tell Isak was seeing it too, could feel the plead in his look, on his skin, in his bones, in his heart.

 _I’m here._ Even said, steadfast.

Liquid was pooling in Isak’s eyes, skin trembling with the effort of containing them, until they couldn’t anymore, a single tear slipping away and trailing down his cheek.

_I’m right here._

“You really know how to turn me on, don’t you?” William groaned, licking a fat stripe up Isak’s face to lick the tear away.

When Isak started screaming, Even felt his body lunge at the mirror with great force, punching the air out of his chest. He was hammering on it as if to break through it, clawing at it until his fingers started bleeding. Screaming his lungs out into the numb void of sound-proofness until his body couldn’t take it anymore, making him fall to his knees. Loud sobs and saliva falling from his open mouth, only drowned out by the silence that followed.

A silence so loud he could hear the tiny drops of water trickling down the window, falling from trees and branches outside, glittering like frozen tears melting in the dawning spring sun. A silence suddenly broken.

_Okay, Even. Take me with you. Get us the fuck out of here._

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Additional chapter warnings: implied/referenced torture, aftermath of torture, implied/referenced non-con
> 
> Thank you so so much for reading! And pleasepleaseplease let me know what you think in the comments <3


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